The tears that poured out of my eyes
Tasted like pure agony—
You know, the taste of pure pain.
Pain that has been tainted by unfathomable crime
Pain so pure, that to strain it
Would only be to see a smorgasbord of sins gone sour
My tears have lost their color;
My pain is so pure
I can’t dilute it, mix it or pour it
It’s simply a stain on the cheeks on my form.
And to hold it,
Feel it or strain it
Would be to minimize the indelible impact
Your cruelty has had on my being
Like I said, the tears that poured out of my eyes
Tasted like pure agony
The agony of one that feels powerless
In the face of your undying hatred
So fuck you, little patron of God
May you one day shovel dirt all over your face
In homage to your cold blooded, selfish deceit.

Betrayal. We all face it sometimes. But what’s there to do about it? Our best friend sleeps with our spouse. Our parents, as they age, we discover, aren’t who we thought they were. An esteemed college professor asks us to sleep with them without telling a soul. What is there to do?

Let’s face it, betrayal sucks. It is hard to feel disappointed in someone who one presumedly respects and admires. Wouldn’t it be so much better, in most instances, if it was that bad person you always hated that betrayed you, an enemy, and not your closest friend or life partner?

Betrayal is awful. So it helps, to offer forgiveness. Forgiveness can come in many forms, but two important types of forgiveness involve forgiveness of self, and forgiveness of other. Don’t carry pain around inside of you for decades when you can find it within yourself to forgive. Make a list of the positive attributes of the person who betrayed you. Remember that you are not the only one who has experienced this emotion. We’re all in this together, this crazy life path, even the person who betrayed you. We all go to sleep at night with our pain, rife to try for another day, doing hopefully our best, if ideally we’re not suicidal. See the positive light in the other person.

And what if the person we betrayed was ourselves? Ask for self forgiveness. Light some incense and do a ritual; come home to yourself. And make a self-promise to try your best never to go down that road again. Think honestly, what were the mistakes that led you down the path to betrayal, whether from someone else or within yourself? When did this start? And are you scared to remain open, because, from a famous poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer, fear of further betrayal? Taking stock by making a list of where you’ve been, where you are and where you’re going may be helpful
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But what’s the upside to all of this betrayal, Anyway? The good thing about betrayal is that, it indicates a foundation of trust. Just like another well known quote says, “In order for there to be betrayal, there had to be trust first.”

Perhaps it might be good to explore why there was trust in the first place, and what sort of foundations for trust and betrayal one has set for oneself.

Happy trusting! And be well.