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November 28, 2019

Why it’s difficult for us to Find & Maintain Love—according to Will Smith.

“A big part of the problem is that we misdefine love.” ~ Will Smith

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I think we all know this—we’ve read it all over the place: that we can’t make anyone happy.

Yet, we often hear how, in relationships, our goal is to make someone the happiest they’ve ever been. Or that we’re looking for someone to complete us, to be our other half. We want to feel protected, to have our needs met. And I realized while watching this video that many of my relationships have been based on just that: fulfilling whatever desire I had—security, happiness, feeling whole.

But love won’t give us any of those things.

Want a reminder about what it really means to love someone? Will Smith tells us that:

>> It’s not transactional, not about fulfilling our needs and desires: “If you meet my needs, then I love you. If you don’t, then I don’t.”
>> Love is more about the gardener-flower relationship: we want to nurture them without our own expectations getting in the way.
>> Listening is a superpower: we can’t be in a loving relationship if we can’t listen to, understand, and validate the other person.
>> Love means helping—with their struggle, with their life, their growth, with suffering less. “Everybody is having a hard time.”

And this advice doesn’t just apply to our romantic relationships. Think about your relationships with your friends, your children, your parents and other family—at its core, does your relationship involve love?

Watch, and be inspired:

 

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Catherine Monkman  |  20 Followers

author: Catherine Monkman

Image: Will Smith / YouTube