WHAT A WEEKEND WITH FAMOUS WOMEN FEELS LIKE:

I cannot begin to tell you how honoured I was to spend a weekend with this incredible tribe of souls.

But what I can tell you is that as I saw Blue Moutain within my view, I had one hell of an EPIC panic attack, where I stood at the side of the road, FROZEN, and wasn’t sure if I should turn around or keep going…

The unknown roads – they are scary to travel.

As per usual, I was running late, dinner was being served soon and I was petrified to sit down to break bread with these spectacular women:

Gina Hatzis, a famous world renowned speaker who is the founder of ” Too much Woman”.. What was I thinking? I didn’t have the confidence of one streak of her firey hair! Not a single highlight!

And Rina Rovinelli, a self made signature brand entrepreneur. I didn’t have any marketing skills… Again, who the hell  do you think you are?

These 2 women Gina Hatzis and Rina Rovinelli combined, have over 100 MILLION VIRAL VIDEOS OF SPEAKING IN FRONT OF THE ENTIRE WORLD..

God help me, I can barely speak up in frigging therapy! Who was I to sit at this table of greatness?

I can remember sitting at the weekly family Sunday Suppers as a young child, feeling small, insignificant and disconnected, standing outside of that dining room, away from the table like looking through a frosted glass window, on a cold winter morning; watching from it from a distance.

I felt very sensitive and different, like something was wrong with me….

I felt like I didn’t belong and that lead to a core belief very early in life, that I was ‘ less than’ those in my midst.

I believed I was unworthy of that seat at the table.

And guess what?

The world gave me ALL the proof, the experiences, the witnesses, the supporting documents and even my DNA to prove my unworthiness.

I confessed and plead guilty, and paid the price for a debt that was never mine.

I spent years in the general population, feeling afraid, so I chose SOLITARY.

I was alone now, but I was still not safe. Nor was I without the risk of losing my mind in that dark space, and as one would expect – I DID.

But HONESTLY, who wouldn’t?

I walked in to that place, having been convicted:

Convicted of holding myself hostage

. Convicted of robbing myself of joy.

Convicted of an àssault on my own body, mind and soul.

But convicted does NOT mean guilty!

I cannot help but think of that small group of believers, that pulled together, did the work and endured the challenge in order to set an innocent man free in the movie ‘The Hurricane.’

BECAUSE that  weekend, I found myself, in the presence of a group of DIVINELY ordained humans, who were indeed, relative strangers, who rallied to set themselves and others free; and OMG….THAT INCLUDED ME!

My debt is paid, my punishing and persecuting of myself, is over.

I’m speaking up in my own defence after decades and decades of silence.

I can’t get back the years that I spent on the ‘ inside’ hiding.

But I CAN use the remainder of them, to help set others who wrongfully convicted THEMSELVES, be set free too.

As Rubin Carter (or Denzel Washington) humbly said to the judge:

“Don’t turn away from the TRUTH . Don’t turn away from your CONSCIENCE – No EMBRACE it!”

This weekend, I was found NOT guilty, after spending 30 some years in slammer, of my own self sabotage!

Today, I am stepping out of the shadows and into my purpose.

Will it be easy? Nope.

BUT today, I am a FREE FREAKING WOMAN and that is worthy of DAMN Celebration!