This article is written in partnership with Je Joue—they’re dedicated to your pleasure and empowerment, and we’re honored to work with them. ~ ed.

“Close your eyes. I got you something,’ said my partner about a month into dating. When I opened my eyes, I could hardly believe them: forget flowers and jewelry, he’d bought me a vibrator! And not just any vibrator—a beautiful, sleek, discreet joy machine. It was a bold and sexy move that sealed the deal on what I already suspected: this one’s a keeper.”  ~ Sara

Being sexually adventurous doesn’t come naturally to all of us.

If you’ve ever wanted to try new things in the bedroom but felt awkward about bringing it up with a partner, you’re definitely not alone! According to a recent survey by luxury sex-positive toy company Je Joue, most couples across the sexuality and gender board crave more playtime.

A whopping 97 percent of people want to receive a toy from their partner—but only 60 percent of those who answered had ever actually been given one. Also, 69 (ahem) percent of vulva owners admitted they were simply unable to orgasm without external clitoral stimulation. Talk about a pleasure gap!

The right sex toys can help fill this gap, and not just literally. They’re a fun, safe way to explore and enjoy your own body so you can explore and enjoy even more with another body in the mix.

Introducing toys to your relationship can lead to more open conversations around pleasure in general, and it’s a proven fact that talking more about what we want and like leads to us getting more of what we want and like. Win-win.

Read on for some top tips for everyone from the toy curious but slightly clueless to the toy connoisseur who’s a little nervous about revealing their more, erm…playful side to their partner/s.

While it’s true that not everyone is primed and ready to go when it comes to toys in the bedroom, it’s often not for the reasons we might think. For many men, in particular, it boils down to a simple lack of self-confidence and awareness rather than being stuck in the 1950s, sexually.

We may have come a long way since vibrator therapy for “hysterical” women, but there’s still a fair amount of stigma around sex toys.

Many of us assume that using or wanting to use toys is an indication that there’s something wrong or missing in our sex lives. Not true!

According to American sexologist, Kelly McDonnell-Arnold, it’s actually quite the opposite. Using toys with your partner means that you are both comfortable sharing fantasies and new experiences together, which can lead to more excitement, variety, and sexual tension of the best kind…in other words, it’s hot AF!

Because pleasure is the gift that keeps on giving:
Get 20% off Je Joue’s couples gift set with code ELEPHANT20 >>

So, if you’re a guy reading this and you’re worried about being outperformed or even replaced by a toy, as one male participant put it, “Well, my d*ck isn’t going to feel impressive after that!” you can relax.

If your presence wasn’t wanted and appreciated, you wouldn’t have been invited. Just because she wants to introduce some…friends between the sheets, doesn’t mean she’s dissatisfied with what you bring to the party. It’s just a case of the more the merrier and a way of adding variety, not a replacement.

And yes, I’m still talking about sex toys here, not actual friends…that’s a whole other article.

This common confusion around toys explains why 65 percent of Je Joue’s survey participants said that although they love flying solo with a toy or two, only 35 percent of them would dare to share their secret weapons with their partners. All for the “sake of saving their pride…”

“Using sex toys helps me to climax. Every. Single. Time. I’ve used vibrators during sex with my partners in the past—however, I couldn’t help but notice that it would make them slightly self-conscious every time I would bring up the idea of using a sex toy. I’ve held back from using them in the past for the sake of saving their pride but I think there just needs to be more communication about why I love sex toys and how much more enjoyable sex is for me with them in it.” ~ Jin

Of course, there are some guys who just straight up don’t GAF about anyone else’s pleasure but their own. These are usually the same ones who give excuses when they should be giving oral, think real-life sex should look like Porn Hub, and/or consistently rush to the finish line as though it’s the goddam Olympics.

If he’s displaying these behaviors, pardon me but what the f*ck are you even still doing there? Just give him your therapist’s card and move on.

That said, how do we start the conversation if we think our partners may be just a little on the sexual vanilla side or we’re simply nervous about trying new things?

Here are a few ideas on how to broach the toy thing without it getting weird:

1. Know what you want.

This should go without saying, but it’s worth saying anyway. Using toys on your own is the best way to get to know your sexual likes and dislikes. Closing the pleasure gap starts with you getting to know your body and finding out what you like before you can start communicating this to a partner.

Basically, more “show and tell” in the bedroom means fewer faked orgasms. Fact.

Masturbation also comes with a whole host of health benefits, both physical and mental—enough for another whole other article. The point is, if you haven’t masturbated ever, OMG just do it already! Do it now, then come back and read the rest of this once you’re done.

Knowing what does it for us is the first step towards great partnered play, especially when it comes to toys.

“I think that it’s important for women to pleasure themselves to gain a better understanding of how their body works and what they like. Toys such as vibrators are great because they do things that sexual partners can’t. I also think it’s important to help us have more conversations about female sexual pleasure.” ~ Tia

If you haven’t masturbated with a toy…Wow, are you in for a treat!

Did you know that 90 percent of the clitoris is internal? That infamous little bean we’re all too familiar with is literally just the tip of the iceberg. While many cheap buzzy vibrators can only stimulate the external tip, Je Joue toys have deep, rumbling vibrations that stimulate the entire clitoris in a way that we mere mortals simply aren’t able to. This makes them a great addition to partnered play, again, not a replacement!

If your partner is new to sex toys, setting them up with Je Joue’s Mimi makes for an impeccable first date. Mimi is a beautifully discreet powerhouse that fits perfectly in the palm of your hand—the opposite of intimidating! I dare any ego to feel threatened by this pebble-shaped little beauty…

For those wanting to jump straight to toy-date five, there’s the fantastic Je Joue couples gift set which comes with the award-winning Mio c*ck ring and G-Spot Bullet. Clitorises everywhere rejoice!

Whatever you do, be sure to invest in quality—materials play a huge role here and the sex-toy market is wildly unregulated. The last thing you want is to end up with a dodgy bit of buzzing plastic near your bits.

2. Time it right & keep it light.

There are a few ways to rip off this particular sexual bandaid, but no matter what, keep it direct, simple, and playful.

My favorite suggestion is to wrap up a toy of your choice and pop it into their bag or on the kitchen counter before leaving for work. If you live apart, just mail it or put it in their postbox, as long as they don’t have nosey roommates/children!

The ideal time to do this is on the morning of a special date like Valentine’s Day or an anniversary. Leave them to discover your cheeky suggestion alone so they have time to process it and get a little excited about the idea. Add a sweet, sexy note to the package, saying something like, “I can’t wait to try this with you tonight…”

Then follow up with a text, which may or may not turn into a little pregame sexting. Doing it this way will take a lot of the in-person awkwardness out and make the whole conversation easier. By the time you see each other later, you’ll probably both be more than keen on the idea. No pressure though, or that’ll deflate everything, quite literally. Keep it fun and playful.

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3. Gather some sidekicks to set the mood.

All couples are different but if you’re feeling it’s time to bring in toys I’m guessing you know each other at least well enough to know what they fancy in the way of foreplay.

Get romantic, light some candles, put on some sexy music, get out the massage oils (just be aware that some oils like coconut do not mix with silicone toys). Or get a little nasty and put on some of the porn you know you both enjoy, maybe read them an erotic story if you’re not into visual aids.

You get the idea…whatever you think will work for you both to build up a little anticipation and excitement, do it!

One thing that never pairs well with sex toys is going in cold. So, hot things up a little!

4. Put on a show, then invite them to join.

Now’s your time to shine! We should all feel brave enough to take center stage and show our partner what we’ve learned to love on our own. How else are they supposed to learn, after all?!

Interestingly, Je Joue’s poll found out that only 65 percent of people felt confident pleasuring themselves in front of their partner—despite a whopping 91 percent saying they’d find it sexy if their partner pleasured themselves in front of them!

5. Build up to the big finale slowly.

If (s)he’s a little on the vanilla side or warms up to new ideas slowly, start gently. Introduce it into conversation in more general terms, first. “Babe, I just came across this interesting article about female sexuality today…” or, “You know how much I love when you…, how about trying…?”

Ramp up the dirty talk at a pace and to a level you’re both comfortable with. Be descriptive, talk about your body and your partner’s. Explain to him why the idea excites you in simple terms. No need to get all LitErotica here, but making them feel your excitement will get them excited too.

Taking the time to build them up if they’re the nervous type will help them feel more open and confident about trying a toy or two.

Or…

“Don’t even have a preliminary conversation! Put on a sexy outfit, or just go in there naked, and when you’re getting down to business say you’d like to spice things up a bit and show him how much you love it. There’s a c*ck ring in the couple’s gift set, right? So it feels like there’s something for everyone! If he’s really resistant and insulted, then it might not be the toys that are the problem…” ~ J.

6. Laugh at yourselves!

Crack a smile. Lighten up. Have some fun. You’re not negotiating world peace here. Sex doesn’t have to be sooo serious. In fact, as writer and sex educator, Sue Johanson said, “If you can’t laugh about sex, you shouldn’t be doing it.”

“We were super excited to unwrap the couple’s package. It felt like Christmas! We honestly LOVED the G-Spot vibrator. The quality is excellent and everything from the wrapping to the materials seem so elegant and thoughtful. One of the most memorable orgasms I’ve ever had.” ~ a happy Je Joue user