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January 8, 2020

I Will Always be a Cheater

I will always be a cheater even if I play by the rules now.
I can’t ever take back the way I hurt you
even if I wish as hard that every star hears my pleas.

I will always be a cheater
Words can’t overrule the ruins of your heart.
Pain written on sleeves.

We wear the same outfit. You and me.
Cheater and cheated.
How melancholy.

But I’m different now and I’ll never do the same.
I’ll love appropriately, intensely but tame.
He’ll never question who I’m texting, where I’m at or who with.
But that doesn’t change the past. The fact that I lied.
Lies tied in lips writhed.

I’ll always be a cheater.
In your eyes and mine.
No matter how long we stay away. Aged like fine wine.
Until one of us decide we aren’t always…

I won’t always be a cheater.
You won’t always be weak.
I will not always have been lied to.
You wont always have been naïve.

We give permission to each other to not always be.
I choose not to always be a cheater.
and you can choose to not always be anything.

I choose to never cheat
for the despair feels it will never leave. And repenting hits deep.
I. know. What. Cheated. Cheating is.
Never again will it leave my lips.
I’m sorry I touched yours.

Will I always be a cheater?
The lioness roars.

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Jessa Janai  |  Contribution: 3,405