“OMG, ladies, I have the biggest news!” I squeal in delight as I gather my closest girlfriends to our favorite booth, in our favorite vegan, gluten/sugar/alcohol-free café. (You can already tell this is an imaginary scene, can’t you?)
I’m beaming so bright, and my bestest ladies lean in to see and hear what I’m about to share.
All I do is hold up my right hand—to show off the stunning and huge, I might add, amethyst rock that’s now sitting on my Tiffany & Co.’s drenched ring finger.
They all scream, in unison, as I shout above their screams, “I’m the greatest love of my life ladies! Me! It’s me! Can you believe it?! I finally figured it out!”
And while it didn’t happen exactly like this—and it took me nearly 38 years to discover this revelation—can you imagine what our world would be like if this was the scene pummeled into our subconscious in every rom-com movie, sitcom, and reality show for our entire lives?
Because aren’t you exhausted?
Happy Valentine’s Day the world screams! Happy love month! Happy-you-better-have-a-date-on-February-14! Or at least have a whole host of girlfriends to go out on the town with so you can show that you don’t freakin’ care you’re not partnered!
I mean, I’m exhausted. I’m exhausted even typing all of that.
I had been in search of, on the hunt for, lying in wait for—him. Or her, because honestly, love is love and the soul doesn’t care, so it didn’t matter much to me the gender of my beloved as long as it was true, pure, love.
I spent the majority of my life believing that I had to find the greatest love of my life, and that this person was someone who was not me.
Instead, this someone was a magical, nearly perfect being whose love for me was going to light up my soul and allow me to not only be my best self but live my best life.
Turns out, that placement was and is reserved solely for me.
The more I looked “out there” for the “greatest love” the more I missed the greatest love that was already there, inside, wanting to be uncovered.
But since I spent most of my life not knowing this, I dated. And waited. And yearned. And pined. And had one karmic relationship after another that was ridiculously painful.
Until, finally, I met him.
Even though it never once occurred to me that I could be my own greatest love of my life—it has turned out to be my truest truth.
A truth that is never told to any of us and which can set you and I free of the crazy “I must find him/her!” quest that often leads us further and further away from our authentic selves.
Trust me, I was all primed and ready to go with my fantasies and projections for my relationship; only, all that noise didn’t have a place there. And so, it has turned out to be the healthiest relationship of my life (I wrote about it for you gals and guys here).
My partner isn’t about to codependently try to fulfill my every whim or complete me. I get to do that. He isn’t about to try to fix me or heal my stuff or tell me what’s wrong with me. He’s here instead to love me and co-create a beautiful life alongside me.
All of this healthy partnering led me to realize that my romantic fantasy of someone else being the greatest love of my life was totally and utterly false.
That my obsession and our cultural obsession with “finding the greatest love of our life”—as someone who isn’t ourselves—is a farce.
I’ve learned that unless I’m head-over-heels in love with me, my partner cannot reach my heart and our intimacy cannot grow, build, and expand.
I forgot, as most do from our cultural indoctrination, that romantic love is merely one baby slice of the love pie, and that a healthy, thriving, and loving relationship with one’s self is actually where it’s at. I get that doesn’t make for super sexy top 40 music, let alone adult fiction, but hey, it’s true.
Perhaps, though, you’re reading this and wondering: what the f*ck does loving oneself as the greatest love of one’s life even look like?
Well, I’m so happy you asked. Because that means I didn’t just flounder for 38 years for solely my own tragic relational purposes. Now, I can be of benefit to you.
Here’s what I’ve uncovered life looks like when you’re the greatest love of your own damn life:
>> You only put the highest and best in your body (that includes intimate partners too #justsayin).
>> You’re fully present for your emotions—meaning you’re emotionally available to and for yourself.
>> You work with a soul resonate healer/spiritual guide/therapist to heal the traumas you cannot get to through your own self-healing work.
>> You only allow the most loving people into your life. Sh*tty people are par for the course in life, as contrast helps us know who the optimal clients, loved ones, friends, lovers, and partners will be. Don’t be mad at the ones who suck, just set them free and move on.
>> You create a sacred oasis of a home for yourself. I put off buying a house for about five years too long, sure that I should wait for my partner (#lame). When I realized I was the greatest love of my life, I bought myself that fat Tiffany’s ring (yes, that part of the imaginary story is real) and then bought myself a house.
>> You do the daily practices that nourish you and are good for you…even on those days when you don’t want to.
>> In fact, you do whatever serves your highest health and good—even when you don’t want to. That’s true love.
With a love like that, you’re primed and set to have your best V-Day and love month every year for the rest of your life.