3.6
April 1, 2020

Thank You for teaching me what Love is Not. {Poem}

They said that real love is when someone knows all about you and loves you anyway.

I thought that’s what you did.

I thought you saw my whole soul and loved me unconditionally.

But, I didn’t know

that love wasn’t supposed to suck you dry, leave you cracked open, raw, and bleeding from every pore.

I didn’t know

that love shouldn’t make me ravenous with hunger—starving for the ache that was never filled.

I didn’t know

that love shouldn’t hurt so deeply, and that the scars would be left open and exposed—never healed, but reinfected with each encounter.

I didn’t know

that love wasn’t supposed to leave you alone and desperate for company—together, but always alone.

I didn’t know

that love wouldn’t leave me wanting. I wouldn’t be thirsty for desire and passion.

I didn’t know

that love wasn’t pretty, packaged, and tidy—that a f*cking mess would be made all around the stomps of my heart, and the chaos surrounding me was my only peace.

I didn’t know

that love wouldn’t rip out my bleeding guts and leave them in a heap around me—unable to stuff them back where they belong.

I didn’t know

that love wouldn’t leave my soul raw and bleeding. More pain than ecstasy.

I didn’t know

that love wouldn’t hurt so damn much.

I didn’t know

that love wouldn’t kill me a little more every day.

I didn’t know

that love would make me lose my soul to the darkness.

I didn’t know….

because this wasn’t real love.

This was an imposter.

An imitation hiding the truth of what we were. We were too afraid to face all the ugliness.

We didn’t want to change ourselves.

This was our comfort zone.

You were my teacher.

And I was yours.

Thank you for the lesson about what love is not.

Real love does not expect or accuse, does not shame or fear,

does not hold back or hide, does not force agreements,

and does not make excuses.

Real love is

connecting and lifting, curiosity and discovering, expanding and embracing

opening and freeing, sharing and receiving, and consciously existing.

Love is not a contract

or a license to own.

Love does not let fear build a cage

around our hearts.

Love does not bind us to anyone,

but allows us to accept our most authentic selves.

Love has wings

so that we may fly free.

It helps us to uncover the many layers

of who we truly are,

and always leads us

back to ourselves.

 

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Stephanie Parry  |  Contribution: 5,795

author: Stephanie Parry

Image: Sara Neff/ Flickr

Editor: Kate Force