Lately,
I don’t know,
What I am feeling.
Sadness?
Heaviness?
Grief, is that you?

I sit with myself,
With my body,
Asking these questions.

How are you doing?
What do you need?

I don’t always listen
To my needs,
Sometimes,
I wish I didn’t
Have needs.

We’ve been told
Having needs is needy.

How could I need love
Too?

We give and give,
And give,
Hoping some day,
We will get it back.

But we still deny
It from ourselves.
This fear story,
That it’s wrong
To give to us.

The brain feels buzzy,
With fear,
Nervous system
Buzzing too,
Settle,
Sink,
Be with.

Be with what?
Sometimes, I don’t
Know my own feelings,
Separate from
My role as guide,
Or therapist,
Or counselor.

Who am I if I
Am not needed?
Who am I if I am in need?
In need of paying more
Attention to self.

Even if the mind
May try to get me
To do anything
But,
I am safe enough.
I am safe enough,
I tell myself.

My body,
You are safe enough,
To feel,
To settle,
To sink.

Even if we don’t
Know yet the landscape
Of these feelings.

Feel like
Numbness,
Or disassociation is the
New normal,
Because it’s always
Felt “normal.”

Being gentle,
And patient when
We don’t know
How to feel.

There is no roadmap
To follow,
No clear guidelines
To know.

Maybe just
Being willing to
Feel is enough.

No need to try to feel.
Just be more present,
To the self,
To the heart,
To the body,
Re learning its trust
In you as guide.

Untangle the self
From being
Needed by others,
To feel needed enough.

The anxiety marks
Where energy
Is going out,
But not coming
Back.

Feel the web
Of light around your
Being.
This is your home.
This is your safety net.

Drink it in.
Keep drinking it in.
It is yours to receive.

Receive as
If you already were
Worthy of it,
Because your worth
Was never tied to
It in the first place.

It was already yours,
Even if you believed
Otherwise.

When we don’t know,
How to connect to self,
It can feel frightening.

Like we won’t find our way
Back home lost
In the woods,
In the mind maze.

Drop into the heart space.
Connect to this
Sanctuary.

Feel the heart
Holding you.
She’s got you.
She’s always got you.

Breathe in her medicine
Of allowance,
Of surrender
To this next breath.

Trust,
The light that cocoons
Is
Holding
You.