Me: “Maybe you are vicariously living through these unavailable men because you are trying to find your dad’s love?”
Woman: “I had a great relationship with my dad. What do you mean?”
Me: “Just because your dad was in your life doesn’t mean you actually got the consciousness and strength that you were craving as a little girl.”
Her dad was always in her life. He was on time when picking her up from school. He came to every soccer game and school play. She had everything she needed as a little girl: a roof over her head, clothes on her back, and food on her table.
But there was an aspect of him that was still distant. Physically he was there, but spiritually and emotionally he was missing. And that missing part was the exact thing she needed as a young girl—she needed his consciousness. His ability to really see within her soul. This would have allowed her inner radiance and feminine energy to feel safe and emerge. But this is something she never got.
So that void within her began to fester—she grew up unconsciously seeking this missing piece with the men in her life.
This is why unavailable and distant men seemed so intriguing. And why her anxiousness was activated when dating someone new.
She had a pattern of attaching too quickly to men. There was a fear she would lose them if she didn’t force them to be with her.
She constantly felt unwanted, unloved, and distant from men. This was the cause of her nitpicking habits and compulsion to mother, change, or fix other people.
She was trying to live vicariously through them to resolve her own deep inner-wound.
She wasn’t seeing the men for who they were. She was seeing her dad and an opportunity to get his love and make him more available to her.
Many humans (both men and women) unconsciously do this. They relate to their partners as if they are still little kids trying to get their parents’ love. As you already know, this never works in relationships.
She will have to embrace her inner-world for the first time rather than seeking fulfillment in other people. She will keep attracting (or being attracted to) men who are like her father until these things are dealt with.
She will need to:
>> Shed light on those voids, shadows, and unresolved pain, so they don’t continue running her life.
>> Heal her father wound so she can cultivate structure, stability, and groundedness within her energy field. This will allow her to be turned off by unavailable love, stop being so anxious, and trust in her value. It allows her to call on a high caliber, more present man.
>> Cultivate her elite feminine sovereignty by opening her heart and being emotionally available. This deep connection to your own soul begins to make your energy quite enchanting, luscious, and intoxicating. This lets her attract men from her soul instead of her wounds. The wounds that were making her try to force and control men into being with her.
Some women think they do not have a father wound just because their dad was in their life, but as I said above, even if he was physically there it does not mean he was spiritually and emotionally present. He may not have been giving you the energy that you needed.
This is one of many causes for relationship struggles—living from your wounds compels you to recreate your childhood story and try to find a resolution to that pain.
One of the most beautiful things to witness is a woman coming out of her wounds and back into her radiance—her soul. Living from this inner high-voltage magic is the key to magnetizing and finding a man of supreme energy. When you begin to see yourself, you’ll attract men who see you too.
Some women, either single, in a relationship, or even married, will continue playing out this pattern of chasing a love that isn’t there. This can sometimes go on for 20, 30, or even 40+ years without someone jumping off the hamster wheel and elevating into a new paradigm.
If you are ready to put a stop to chasing unavailable love, reach out. Reach out so you can shift from your wounds into a radiant, magnetic woman with the healthy love life she really desires.