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July 9, 2020

I can just tell that I am beautifully insane.

At the end of the day, we can endure much more than we think we can’- Frida Kahlo

And here comes the weekend. Same as any other day now really, with less work. With all the time in the flat I’m trying to do the things I’ve wanted to do but been putting off: I’m propagating tomatoes and almonds with the children, sorting through these old copies of bills and other magazines and papers, I’m going to complete that half-finished Spanish language course, tidy my kitchen cupboards and make some dishes that mamma taught me and is still in my thought. All good time-filling things. But it’s also enough to just sit in the sun for an hour with a beer and a book, isn’t it?

The pandemic is no more welcome. I am done. I want to pretend my life is normal. Atleast.

I want to tell myself this everyday!

Alright love, dust yourself off. Have a bar of chocolate, a bath etc. I know right now it feels horrible because you’ve waited hard and you wanted to step out, rebuild all the months that went past, but you can cut the pity party short because  – it’s actually a perfectly good time, to thank my stars for the smallest sustenance: sitting in the evening sun with tea, a half-hour workout with the children , fresh sheets, phone calls with friends, reading, the texture of the soil in a tiny windowsill garden, orange evening light in the bedroom, dancing to the Disney song, cooking from scratch, re-organising forgotten papers, opening every window and door to let air in, putting a record on, fresh lemons at the market, heavy rain.
There is no end. Damn.

I tell myself. Don’t stress babe, you will be absolutely fine.

Soaking wet. Rain dripping from my chin down to my feet. And so does the sweat. My feet keep on going. My arms keep on swaying. I pass those I ran past when I was going the other way. I look ahead of me to the path in front of me. A rainbow forms in the horizon. I am running, in pouring rain, and I am smiling. I am such a badass. I can do anything.

I cannot save people I love, from dying, I can’t save the country from threats,or the planet from plastic, can’t hold onto time or make memories stay with me forever. I wonder really can I?
Forget earrings and necklaces, I am going to accessorize my life with badass quotes.

I have been doing a lot of Netflix lately and plenty of time goes in afterthought.
Have been becoming quite a dramatic mommy too, my children tell me.

One must watch movies. String movies. Movies with strong characters. It does something to everyone. Maybe subtly. Perhaps unknown for a while .

Let me tell you about two movies I saw last week .

I saw ‘perks of being a wallflower’ and am in love with the character Sam. Sam is such a refreshing character. I can not remember her having a love affair of any kind or even being interested in that. She is just having fun, making friends and give off really strong and secure energy. She should not be forgotten next to the other main characters Charlie and Patrick.

I am also totally impressed with Hillary Swank in ‘The million dollar baby’. She teaches me that it is the magic of riskng everything for a dream that nobody sees but you.

But then, I can go on, I can write. Writing things down keeps them in existence, in a way.

To follow my work on.

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