Have you ever created an agreement with yourself that you repeatedly renegotiated or all but gave up on?
Yet, in the back of your mind, the thought lingers that it is of importance to you, but it’s just not possible right now for one reason or another?
We often talk about integrity with regards to remaining in it. Yet, sometimes what we don’t see is the counter productive impact of being out of integrity with an agreement we have created for ourselves.
Maybe the agreement we made was to get in shape, leave a job, start a business, or simply take your spouse out on a date for the first time in years. Yet, for various reasons, it hasn’t occurred.
In your heart you know it’s still truly important, even though it may not look like it based on the reality that the agreement has not been kept. What is challenging about this is what this does to our well being over the long-term.
Time after time we say something is important, it does not occur, and so the cycle continues. Over time what this does is start to create the ever familiar thought…
“Well, I didn’t stick to it last time, what makes this any different?”
Leaving us deflated, depressed, and less likely to create a change. We find ourselves creating a negative feedback loop, one missed agreement at a time. For each agreement missed, we fall further out of integrity with ourselves, leading to lower levels of trust that we can truly impact or change our lives in a meaningful way.
When we trust ourselves less, we are less likely to try something new, less likely to try and change something, and less likely to stretch beyond what might currently seem possible. This loop continues to shape how we see ourselves, and the world we live in.
Not surprisingly, as we find that we are unable to keep agreements with ourselves, this extends often into agreements we create with others. Maybe we are known for always being late to meetings, changing plans at the last minute, or completely forgetting something we committed to all together.
Which really it makes sense, because when we are out of integrity with ourselves, we may not really see it, although we feel it, it’s difficult to see when we do this with the people we care about.
What’s fantastic about the negative feedback loop is that a positive feedback loop also exists.
As you can imagine, it’s just the reverse.
The more frequently we create and keep agreements with ourselves, the more we trust ourselves, the more our confidence grows, the more we enjoy life, and the more we see is possible for us to change or create.
As we become masters of keeping agreements with ourselves, we too, become masters of keeping agreements with others, which in a life where relationships are so important, this is priceless.
If you find that this is helpful in some way, and are looking to start creating and keeping agreements with yourself, start small.
Do the doable first.
Then, decide what is next.