5.8
September 18, 2020

Maybe you’re in an Abusive Relationship (with Yourself).

And do you know what’s worse?

Some part of me thought it might work to operate that way. 

It’s what lots of other women do—how we’ve been trained. We make a lot of people a lot of money by hating ourselves so much. I’m only now realizing how toxic and abusive my relationship with myself has been.

Here are the ways I’ve abused my body:

>> Forced her to use substances to numb her cries of pain.

>> Verbally insulted her.

>> Emotionally abused her.

>> Forced her to wear clothes that didn’t fit her and refused to buy ones that were the correct size.

>> Forced her into painful procedures in the name of some socially constructed (and impossible) ideal of “beauty.”

>> Berated her for not being good enough.

>> Shamed her for being different.

>> Withheld food and proper nutrition.

>> Overfed her food and non-nutritious, food-like products.

>> Exercised her excessively.

>> Refused to move her—withheld movement of any kind.

>> Neglected her hygiene.

>> Told her she wasn’t lovable.

>> Insulted her any time her reflection appeared in a mirror.

>> Insulted her in front of other people and pointed out her imperfections.

>> Allowed others to insult and verbally abuse her.

>> Told her daily she should be ashamed of herself.

These are just a few of the ways I could think of while brainstorming for a few minutes.

So today, I want to say that I am so f*cking sorry. She has every right to hate me; she has every right to protest and not give me the results I demand. 

Why on earth would she be motivated in any way to do what I say or try to please me?

The toxic dynamic of our relationship has now become crystal clear. It’s time to turn things around and make amends because we can’t get a divorce; we are stuck together—for better or for worse.

And honestly, I want to live an amazing life where anything is possible. And in that life, my body will also be. 

My body is me; if I abuse her, I abuse me. If I hate her, I also hate me. 

If I deem her unworthy and shame her, I deem myself unworthy and shameful. 

That is not in alignment with who I am. The buck stops here—right now.

It’s time to treat her right, to show her some respect, and to love her unconditionally.

Read 23 Comments and Reply
X

Read 23 comments and reply

Top Contributors Latest

Rebecca McNeill  |  Contribution: 1,540

author: Rebecca McNeill

Image: Konstantin Mishchenko/pexels

Editor: Kate Force