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October 2, 2020

Why Men Should Get Together, on Regular Intervals

At 10 AM Central Standard, a Sunday a month in the early warming Spring of 2019, an average of 8 men and I would meet. Corporate office worker types, a cop, school principal, military, and others—one guy even joining us from over a 2-hour drive away. We would meet in front of the Arabian Steamboat, based on levels of comfort, a hug or alternate side hug or a handshake. Then introductions of the newbies and instructions given. Afterward, a final check for stragglers, we would set out. At 10:15 AM, shoulder to shoulder with weighted backpacks, then file in two-by-two, disappearing onto the less populated walkways and trails secluded along the Missouri River. We’d hike, groan for the weight on our backs, settle in and begin discussing commonalities and interests. One would ask an open-ended question, another silent until he had something to say, steadily marching.

Around 12:15 PM, we would arrive and relieve our burdens and pick out our lunch from a food court according to our individual tastes; Mediterranean, Indian, Brazilian fare. And for 2 or 3 additional hours with the sun’s penetrating rays on our backs, we’d verbally mind map conversations in and around our work, relationships, current projects, and challenges. We each enjoyed and appreciated the company and discussions. I always recall myself being mindful of making any sudden moves that would signal our time together had come to an end—nearing 3:00 PM end it must, until the next month, and we would say our farewells.

I believe these gathering and bonding visits have been a critical practice for my growth over the last 18 years. My experience in men’s groups has taken several iterations. From simple coffee meet ups, or a group standing around troubleshooting a truck’s engine, hosting book studies, and connecting in online communities. These platforms help me glean a wealth of self-knowledge and have helped me get out of my own head and into others’ mindsets, confidence, and encouragement. As a result, my own path has been more straightforward, inspired, and infused. Over the hours, months, and online discussions, I have found a community of friends.

VROOM!! I recall a day being a kid with my mother, who was engaged in adult business. I locked in on another boy, about my age who held a metallic light blue 1969 Pontiac Firebird Hot Wheels car, with t-tops and the doors that would open. The pupils of my eyes constricted I bounded over and with holes in my jeans’ knees, I slid over to him and said, “Cool car! Can I hold it?”. In return, the other fellow, having a great sense of pride and joy, gladly entrusted it into my custody. And for my part, I’d let him play with my tow truck with a non-working winch. I liken that experience to the similar benefit today—seeing another man at his craft, or thoughts, or interests, and appraising it as ‘cool‘ acknowledges him and therefore, is meaningful to him. 

“People need to be reminded more often than they need to be instructed.” ― Samuel Johnson

The world seems to be increasingly isolated, creating uneasiness, stress, and depression for many. Yet contrary to what one would assume, it seems that people are becoming even further withdrawn into their private sanctuaries, solo work situations, and fantasies. As a man, I believe that there’s intrinsic value in connecting men with other men to aid them in mirroring their own essence back on themselves. An experience that’s a reminder; it’s validating, grounding.

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Jeremy Snowden  |  Contribution: 3,610