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The dark night of the soul (DNOTS for short) is one of the first stages of spiritual awakening.
And it plays a pivotal role in the process.
Infamous spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle defines DNOTS below:
“It is a term used to describe what one could call a collapse of a perceived meaning in life…an eruption into your life of a deep sense of meaninglessness. The inner state, in some cases, is very close to what is conventionally called depression. Nothing makes sense anymore; there’s no purpose to anything.”
He further notes that it is like a death of the false sense of self, the ego-mind which we have been conditioned to believe is our true self. In this way, it is kind of like a death that you experience, so your false sense of self can be broken down, and you can ultimately be reborn like a phoenix rising from the ashes.
The DNOTS can be triggered in various ways, including deep meditation, taking ayahuasca (and other psychedelic medicines), or the death of a loved one. If it sounds really painful and confusing, that’s because it is!
In a twin flame dynamic, the masculine twin (usually a biological male, but not always) often triggers the feminine twin (usually a biological female, but not always) into her DNOTS first as “she” is the leader in the connection (whether she consciously realizes it or not).
This is because the feminine energy is more in tune with her intuition, which essentially means she is more connected to the higher realms (spirit, God, or other deity depending on what you believe). She is, therefore, more equipped than the masculine to navigate through the unknown.
How the masculine triggers the feminine’s DNOTS often involves some kind of abandonment, rejection, or deception. For instance, he may suddenly break off the relationship with little warning, deny or dismiss the connection, or become involved with a third party. Alternatively, the feminine might walk away from the relationship only to find that she has triggered her own DNOTS through the sudden separation.
These kinds of scenarios are often painful in a non-twin flame dynamic and can understandably cause significant pain and heartbreak. In a twin flame dynamic, they can be excruciatingly painful due to the intense energetic connection the twin’s share, which runs deep—everything is magnified in a twin flame connection. This is how the twins become the catalyst for each other’s spiritual awakening.
Many a feminine twin flame has found herself reacting in extreme ways to her twin’s behavior or putting up with things that she just wouldn’t stand for in any other relationship. She can often feel like she is at the mercy of her twin’s every move and that she has no power in the dynamic. This can cause her a lot of anger, frustration, and regret about meeting him in the first place.
Of course, all of this stuff is painful as f*ck from a human perspective, and it’s understandable that the feminine twin might feel all kinds of resentment toward her masculine (and the divine for putting her in this position in the first place).
This is a prevalent feeling for feminine twins who suddenly find themselves in the thick of the DNOTS. I certainly found myself experiencing all sorts of challenging feelings and impulses during my own initial DNOTS!
However, from a higher soul perspective, this stage of the journey is crucial. This is when the feminine (and eventually the masculine) start to shed all the false senses of self: illusions, fears, and the ego-self.
For instance, before she met her twin, she may have had a set image of how she wanted her life to go based on what society has told her she should do. For a lot of feminine twins, this may involve finding a man to support her, getting married, working her way up in her career (or being a housewife), and having children.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with any of this if it is genuinely what you have chosen for yourself from a conscious awareness place. However, a lot of people have been conditioned by society, their culture, or their family to believe that this is what they want from life. And that anything outside of that somehow makes them incomplete.
This is not something that many people are consciously aware of; this is just how conditioning works; it’s subtle and insidious. We are placed under a microscope of societal expectations from the moment we are born until the day we die.
It’s important to note that we also have free will, so even if, as souls, we agreed to meet our twin flame and experience a soul awakening, we can choose to reject that path and go in a different direction.
However, the issue with this is that it’s often fraught with difficulty. Once your twin triggers your awakening, you will likely experience significant challenges if you continue to make choices from your old sense of self rather than from your soul.
So it’s almost like you’re damned if you do, and you’re damned if you don’t. If you’re finding yourself in this place, the universe has got you right where it wants you.
It may feel unjust, unfair, and all kinds of wrong, but I promise you that it will get better. You will start to see it.
It is hard but remarkable to be able to live a life full of meaning, purpose, and awareness.
(Most people don’t get that experience in this lifetime.)