We fear rejection.
We rebel when we hear the word no. We take it personally, we feel offended, and like a knee-jerk reaction, a flick of a switch, we go into defensive mode.
We want to counterattack, explain, defend, justify, and maybe all we can do is stutter the words. But, why? Don’t you see our potential? Don’t you feel the connection?
All we can be certain of is how we feel and that is all we have control over.
When hearing words of rejection, we cannot help but feel our fight-or-flight instincts kick in. Adrenaline enters the bloodstream, and we cannot decide if our blood is boiling or if we’re going stone-cold as we seem to freeze on the spot (freeze instinct).
What feels like forever is only a mere second as we feel our heart sink into our stomach. Immediately, an invisible 10-ton brick wall gets erected, surrounding us, keeping the hurt we are feeling inside. With every ounce of strength we can conjure, we also keep ourselves calm so we don’t give away any sign of emotion, of how hurt we truly are. It’s in this moment, we realize how in an instant our world can come crashing down, as well as how miraculously quick walls can be built: to keep everyone out that may cause further damage to our already fragile state.
The simple fact is that rejection shouldn’t be seen as something negative, although it can really feel that way. It’s something we all get to experience at some point in our life—it’s inevitable. It means we have given it a shot, we have taken a leap of faith, we’ve taken action to see where a relationship may lead us.
Rejection means we can move on, instead of holding onto a false belief that there may be something to fight for—when there’s not.
No one wants to hear, “It’s not the right time, I’m not ready.”
The truth is that when someone says, “It’s not you, it’s me,” believe them! Because they’re telling the truth. They’re simply not in the right state of mind to give us what we need right now. They may not be ready, whereas before they thought they were, and like you, they were testing the ground to see how they may feel.
You were not rejected; you were redirected.
I say, get use to rejection. We should ask ourselves what would be worse? Getting rejected again or living the rest of our lives in a cave?
Rejection can break us or inspire us to not give up. It’s rejection that will give us strength to explore the best parts of ourselves; so we know without a doubt that we have a lot to give, and the right person will see that.
We will only be able to commit to someone when we have done enough healing, learned our strengths and weaknesses, and have shared all there is to share about us—without fear of rejection, judgement, or criticism.
We wouldn’t want to end up with who we believed was the right person but find ourselves doing all the work anyway. If this were to happen, maybe we would wish that we heard those words a tad sooner rather than later.
Our time is so precious here on Earth, and we really don’t want to waste any of it on anyone who isn’t ready to have us fully and completely, just as we are.
So, here are eight things to remember when going through a tough time:
1. Everything can and will change.
2. You’ve overcome challenges before.
3. It’s all a learning experience.
4. Not getting what you want can be a blessing.
5. Allow yourself to have some fun.
6. Be kind to yourself.
7. Other people’s negativity isn’t worth worrying about.
8. There is always something to be grateful for.