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December 7, 2020

To the one from divorced parents – Healing

To the one from divorced parents,

The process of letting go and healing is a long journey, a bumpy ride where you’ll experience different sides of yourself. It’s not easy, but it requires you to give it a lot of time. You won’t always go forwards, there will be times when you feel like you are progressing, but then you will be pulled back.

The journey is one you have to take yourself, but not by yourself. Trying to face your traumas and what happened alone will be difficult, so it is very important the network of people you surround yourself with show love, support, and witness you for who you are.

Accept everything that happened, having it replayed in your mind and wondering what if will just hurt you and stun you from moving forward. You have to accept whatever happened had to happen in order to be the individual you are today. It doesn’t happen with a click of a button and suddenly it goes away, it requires you to feel through the emotions that are present. So, it is very important you are responsible for those feelings, ensuring you do not harm yourself or those around you.

Your parents getting divorced wasn’t your fault, it may have meant certain aspects of life were harder and for a long time, it may have left you wondering if you were the cause. What happened between them was to do with them and not you, they are human beings who weren’t meant to be together, but your fate isn’t decided by what happened to them. Do not let this event define who you are. You are worthy of love and being loved, you are worthy of having healthy relationships.

Due to this event, you may have fears of people in your life leaving you, that fear is not you, it is a story that you tell yourself which you have to detach from. This comes with nurturing healthy relationships with those present in your life. Be responsible for your happiness and do not expect others to save you or be the gap filler in the void within your heart, you are the love that you seek, and that hole can only be filled by the love which you fill it with.

You have demons which you will carry with you, at times they may appear when least expected, but you can’t fight them, you need to show compassion and love to them. Do this through habitually making decisions for yourself which benefit you now and in the future. So, speak kindly to yourself, allow yourself to feel whatever emotions arise.

Having a community of people who are there for you throughout is important and it is your choice who you surround yourself with. Processing how you feel comes through talking it with those who can witness your vulnerability. Reach out to those you trust and talk about what is going on internally or else it will boil and only end up harming you in life.

You are not your emotions or thoughts. You are not the story your mind continues to tell you. Let go of that which hurts you, the process takes time but holding it only makes it harder to take action through expressing yourself through creative and physical means.

Creatively expressing yourself and committing to mastering an art will allow you to shine a light on areas of darkness, in turn revealing how beautiful the darkness can be. It will expand and broaden the imagination of who you are and what you are capable of. Physically expressing yourself through working out, sports, or martial arts will allow you to take the body through motions it has never felt before and help you to release old pains.

Don’t compare your life to others, everyone has a different starting point in life.

 You are enough as you are.

From,

Someone who understands.

 

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