5.5
February 13, 2021

When Everything Changes—it Changes You.

I have questioned myself for a really long time.

I’ve wondered why I was placed on this earth.

I mean, we are all placed here for a reason, and it’s up to us to find that reason. I’m a firm believer in God, and I don’t believe we’re here by accident.

Through life, you are going to come into contact with lots and lots of people. Some teach you a lesson, some have a longer purpose, and some you wish you never came into contact with. That is all a part of how this world goes ‘round—and if you think about it, it would be a pretty boring world if we were all the same.

I personally didn’t really question who I was or what my self-worth was until I moved away from my home in the Adirondacks. I moved to California, following the man who would become my husband. He is originally from California, and our love story is one that is probably best saved for another day.

If you said that moving from upstate New York to coastal California was a pretty big culture shock, I’d tell you that’s an understatement.

I was not expecting it to be as bad as it was for me. I was truly struggling.

I’m also not the type of person to show or say anything about how much I was struggling.

I will also add that I wasn’t a firm believer in God until I married my husband. He and his family are Christians and have grown up in the church. That was also a huge shock to my world—by no means was it a bad one, but it was definitely a lot to take in.

You see, I come from a world of people who are sarcastic and love life with humor. We’re rough, loud, quick-witted, protective, sometimes opinionated and judgmental, and we’re not scared to call out some bull when we see it. But we love—hard.

Where we moved to in California was a bit different for me. I didn’t know anyone but my husband. It was a completely different environment, with different people and different ways of doing things. I felt so out of place.

I was judged quickly and, most of the time, I was misunderstood. This difference of expectations created a rocky foundation for myself and others there. We were just so different.

All these interpersonal challenges made my struggles of adapting to this new place even worse. We all know how first impressions don’t just “go away.”

I was made out to be someone who I’m not, and that’s hard. I honestly just wanted to go back home, but I loved my man.

This was the situation my husband and I found ourselves in when we started our married life together. We were married in California; we had our first child there, and then welcomed our second child there less than 18 months later.

After almost two years of living—struggling—in that world, an opportunity came for us to move away. Honestly, moving away was the best thing we could have done for our family.

We moved back east to an area that felt a little more like home. Things were still hard: we had to redefine what our marriage looked like without all the baggage. It was during this time that I went through a lot of mental trips and heartache. What do my husband and I do now? Am I good enough to be the wife and mother I wanted to be? What am I even doing here?

This was the effect of living in a world of being misunderstood for so long without saying anything.

Am I perfect? Absolutely not. I’ll never claim to be.

Did I feel mistreated? Yes.

Did I feel unworthy? Yes.

Did I feel like this wasn’t fair? Yes.

But looking back on the whole situation I can see the valuable lessons I learned during that time.

Don’t ever question your self-worth.

Don’t ever question who you are.

Don’t ever question why you are here.

And don’t ever let anyone make you feel like any of the above.

If someone is making you feel a certain way, then speak up. Tell that person how they are making you feel. You don’t have to do it in a harsh way. You can approach them like this: “Hey (name), I would like it if we could talk about something for a moment…I was really hurt by what you said when (…). Maybe that wasn’t your intention, but I just wanted to let you know that I was hurt.”

Saying something like that can really help you focus on the issue, and it’ll help the other person see something they probably never saw before. The situation, your relationship with each other, and even yourselves as individuals will all be better for it.

I’ve already talked a bit about how I grew closer to God during this time for me. It doesn’t mean that these lessons only apply to Christians. No matter what you believe, you have to believe in yourself, no matter what! Surround yourself with people who lift you up, encourage you, and understand you. Don’t let anyone or anything make you question your value—because you are here for a reason.

For me, in my own personal journey, this was a time where I leaned on God as that person. He loves me—no matter what. He loves me for who He made me to be.

Yes, I’ve said some things I shouldn’t have.

Yes, I’ve done some disappointing things.

But no one is perfect—no one can be. God loves me anyway.

And, ultimately, that’s what truly matters.

I wasn’t put on this earth to impress others. I was put on this earth to live for Him.

I was put on this earth to live life the way He wants me to, and in the way He has planned for me.

I’m putting my little story out there in hopes it may help someone who has gone through something similar.

If you’ve gotten this far, thank you for reading!

Have a blessed day.

~

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