Today I write while snuggled in bed with my cat as Joni croons day in the background “ You Don’t know what you have got til it’s gone” I sigh and settle in to write which is the best kind of self soothing I know . A piece of dark chocolate melts in my mouth mixing with the warm after-notes of chai tea .

It is already the start of February . January felt like a  a time loop .Here we are and Crona is bigger and better then ever. Politicians have changed and the world is changing and still turning.
This  morning I woke to my breathe swirling as puffs in the frigid air . My furnace died sometime during the night. For months I feared this happening and held my breathe waiting for it to kick in .

Two years ago I brought a hundred year old character house . Really it is like a small cabin nestled in the heart of the city where I live. I fell in love with the charm, the trees and the nostalgia . I knew u would have to do some work . I had been praying that the old furnace would make the winter. It is -40 often in January where I live and freezing cold and this past week was frigid.

The furnace will be installed in a few days  and I’m staying warm with the stove and heaters .

Suddenly I am so aware of what yesterday I took for-granted – heat!

The technican that came is the first human I’ve had in my house for nearly a year now .  The exchange was warm and very different than a regular sales pitch . We talked about life, family and the world.  He is bringing me a new furnace and friends have lent me heaters . I’m getting through this and coming out strong . I realize today that I am independent yet I need to be connected with others and this interconnection will be my greatest strength.

We need each other now more than ever.
I pause and cuddle my kitten as the tears well up. I feel raw and yearning for connection

I question my decision to buy a hundred year old house on my own?

The tears flood and these tears are healing

Today I realize that I’m also crying tears of gratitude and appreciation . I have so much to be thankful for.  I have work , a home and food and clean water. I start listing off the many blessings . I also pause to think about community and how we can come together .

Right now seems like the right time for humanity to dig into our resilience chest of tools and go back to those survival strategies . We have challenging days ahead yet we are not alone . When I think of what this looks like ,I think back to our ancestors and how they made it through challenging times throughout history. They did this through innovation, community, and learning new skills . They leaned on each other and helped each other out.

I bought a hundred year old house and I know it will need work . I did it on my own and I still have doubts some days. It is never to late to learn and grow though. Even in this pandemic I feel that my new life is just starting to emerge . I am strong . I am resilient . Somedays will be more challenging and the road now may seem uphill yet even in this part of our journey there are blessings and love. I am on my own yet I am not alone . This realization hits me like wave and washes over me .

Today I encourage you to pause as you read and take a moment to do some internal inventory .
What do you have to be appreciative of in the midst of this uncertainty? What do you take for granted ?

Do you forget to be grateful for those in your life or the simple things that you have like clean water, shelter and heat?

We all have times when we get frustrated with what is going on that we forget what is going well .
In the midst of adversity there is resilience ,
In the midst of strife and grief there is hope .

As night nears I snuggle this Kitten and sip my tea and offer a prayer of gratitude for friends and family and for you dear readers. I thank God for each and every opportunity . I thank God for my creative pursuits that allow me to ground , connect and expand and grow. I even thank God for these challenges.

Thank you for being you and opening your mind and heart to growth mindset and love .

As you read this I know we humans might not all agree on everything but let us agree to love.

Let us agree to embrace this uncertainty with an open mind and heart . Let us join together even if it is six feet apart

Blessings Dear Ones
Renee