5.4
March 28, 2021

Music for Lovers, Lap Dances & Friends with Benefits.

Sex and music go hand in hand, like symbiotic siblings.

Think chocolate and peanut butter, Lucy and Ethel, pinot and camembert, or the perfect pairing of Mick and Keith.

Whatever your genre, whatever your mood, music is as important as foreplay. Now don’t get me wrong, I love all types of music. I don’t necessarily prefer one musical taste over the other. Still, when it comes to getting in the mood and fantasizing about my headlining striptease in Vegas, my musical taste tends to be more sensual and maybe a bit dramatic. Sorry, but my Leo sun, Aries ascendant can’t help it.

Here are some of my favorite songs to get down and dirty to. Just make sure to drop the kids off at Grandma’s.

This is the song you will want to play when taking a bath with your lover, making out in a rainstorm, or pretending you’re starring in an Enrique Iglesias video.

Makambo” by Geoffrey Oryema

I first heard this hauntingly emotional song while I was obsessively renting Zalman King films many moons ago with my BFF. Trust me, this gorgeous ballad has all the feels of wrapping yourself up in a sensuous bath filled with cashmere and soft kisses. Romantic and sumptuous, this song is what you want to make love to. Sung in his native tongue, this melody was actually written about his exile from his native Uganda and protesting for peace in his motherland. Take that aside; leaving a war-torn country never sounded so sensual—one of the most romantic songs of all time in my book. So get the candles and vino ready and enjoy this one alone, with your partner, or with a Hemsworth brother (or two).

(Fun fact: Brian Eno produced this album.)

Honorable mentions:

“Wonderwall” by Ryan Adams

“All I Need” by Pablo Nouvelle & Lulu James

“Is Your Love Strong Enough?” by Bryan Ferry

“Woman” by Emmit Fenn

“Such a Simple Thing” by Ray LaMontagne

This is the song you will want to play after shoving the whole carton of Ben & Jerry’s in your mouth. It’s the “It’s not you, it’s me” spiel, or the let’s be “friends with benefits” song.

“The Beautiful Ones” by Prince

I can name numerous songs by this dearly missed genius. Obviously, sex is so prevalent in all of Prince’s music, but this one off of the “Purple Rain” album is something else.

Every time I hear this musical treasure, it brings me back to that time I tried to make my lover jealous by sending a ridiculously extravagant floral arrangement to myself. Well, it worked, and he thought I was having this torrid affair. Dramatics aside, my heartbroken ex decided to pay homage to John Cusak. Instead of holding a ghetto blaster over his shoulders, he cranked this song from his 1990 Ford Fiesta so loud the whole neighborhood had the pleasure of a Prince concert.

“Do you want him? Or do you want me? ’Cause, I want you.”

I would say that “Purple Rain” is probably my favorite on the album, or quite possibly my number one by Prince. Still, “The Beautiful Ones” has a piece of me that will live on in the soundtrack of my life. It belongs to my first heartbreak, youth, and, unfortunately, an eviction notice from my landlord. Mr. Ex was known to play DJ at ungodly hours.

Honorable Mentions:

“Last Stand” by Kwabs

“Babe, I’m Gonna Leave You” by Led Zepplin

“Caught Out in the Rain” by Beth Hart

“Black” by Pearl Jam

“I Can’t Go On Without You” by Kaleo

“Breathe You in My Dreams” by Trixie Whitley

“Sohn” by Veto

“Draw your Swords” by Angus and Julia Stone

Wanna lap dance?

These are the songs you play when you strip off your knickers, perform your top-notch oral skills, or are in the hopes of getting knocked up.

“Glory Box” by Portishead

I’m so tired of playing
Playing with this bow and arrow
Gonna give my heart away
Leave it to the other girls to play
For I’ve been a temptress too long

This has to be my all-time come hither; it’s my “I won’t bite, yes, I will bite if you’re lucky” song. It’s been on my playlist as long as it took to watch “The Irishman.” This sultry yet cheeky song is a melodic tease, with lead vocalist Gibbons echoing a little Billie Holiday and a hint of electronic hip hop. All in all, it’s sexy, innocent, and downright naughty.

Do you all know what a Glory Box is? Well, if you look up the definition, it pertains to items a woman leaves the house with in preparation for marriage. However, in the urban dictionary, and most probably in reference to the song, a Glory Box is a vagina.

This is the song to tantalize, taunt, and torment that cutie you’ve had your eyes on for a while, or that relationship that needs some attention. They will be so happy, and I promise you won’t have to remind them to take out the trash.

Now go and have some fun…

Honorable Mentions:

“Do I Wanna Know” x “Woman” by Arctic Monkeys x Harry Styles (Mashup)

“Closer” by Kings Of Leon

“Waiting Game” by Banks

“Ball and Biscuit” by The White Stripes

“Since I’ve Been Loving You” by Led Zepplin

“Love is a Bitch” by Two Feet

“Recovery” by Kosheen

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