As you may know, the portuguese language has it’s special word for longing – saudade.
“Saudade is a feeling of longing, melancholy, desire, and nostalgia that is characteristic of the Brazilian or Portuguese temperament. It describes a deep emotional state; a yearning for a happiness that has passed, or perhaps never even existed. It carries with it a touch of melancholy, yet in that wistfulness there is love as well. One thing is certain: the object or person of that saudade does not inhabit the present space or time.”
We also have our romanian word for this feeling of longing – dor.
“DOR is a Latin-origin word, but its present-day meaning is not the same as its etymon’s, dolus, which meant “pain” in Julius Caesar’s language.
Dor names the feeling you experience when you miss home, a person, a place, a time, a memory. In English, it would be best approximated by “longing” or “nostalgia”.”
Well, there is a profound and nuanced meaning for dor, as for saudade.
So that’s why it was a bit difficult for me to translate this letter into english, and this is the reason I wanted to make this short introduction and association with the portuguese language.
And you have to trust me that this letter sounds more poetic in romanian.
My dearest longing,
I really, really miss you. And I miss myself, the one from the future.
a meeting with the self;
tears of happiness;
so much quietness.
some places I haven’t seen, but I feel like I’m already part of them;
people I haven’t met, but somehow I already know them;
moments that I have not yet experienced, but I anticipate them as magical, soothing, liberating;
colorful dishes that I have not yet tasted, but whose aroma I can feel in my mouth;
a music I didn’t feel, but still it somehow vibrates in me;
a dance that I did not dance, but whose movements I learned a long time ago.
I have a burning longing for words that I have not written, but which are still silently waiting to be placed on paper, on screens, on souls;
for an air that I did not breathe, but which already suffocates me with happiness and emotion;
for an ocean that I did not touch, but whose big waves I see when I close my eyes.
And all these longings are calling me, saddening me, break me, are crying for me of longing in their turn.
I long so much.
Beginning of October 2020, Letter No. 3