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April 5, 2021

This is not goodbye {Letters before Bali}

Photo by Alexandr Podvalny on Pexels.

Like any dream with a profound meaning that is so close to the soul, so close that makes you vulnerable, it is incredibly hard for me to let this one out in the world. A first letter and the story behind it. A calling and a place I’ve never seen. A big dream dreamed with open eyes by an ordinary person.

So, here goes nothing.

Last summer, after our city got out of quarantine, I started running two or three times a week.

It was an activity I needed. Both physically and mentally.

And as I ran, from one day to another, I realized that some things were happening with my thoughts.

A chaos of settlements, wanderings, findings.

And in those early mornings, through sunrises and fog, a dream came tiptoeing after me and then more and more hurried towards my mind.

A dream dressed in an exotic thought, with an infinity of blue, with rice fields, green forests, smiling people, with mornings of meditation and meditative dance nights, with days spent in the mind, in silence, in search of self.

That thought had a name, Bali.

At the begining it was only a whisper.

Then it sounded louder and louder, like a shout, like a calling.

“You have to go to Bali.”

And I started to wonder why.

Well, I think the biggest dream of all is to discover myself and allow myself to shine through words.

I want to know who is under all the layers accumulated in 34 years of life among strangers, parents, grandparents, friends, lovers, colleagues, high school, college, jobs, pain, love, disappointments, hopes, insecurities, promises, projections, expectations, fears, unspoken and unwritten words.

I want to get to Bali and meet myself, the one that was always there.

I want to meditate, to dance, to sit in silence.

And soon after, another thought took its place, close to the one above and gave the final meaning to this dream:

a book entitled “Letters from Bali”, about my meeting with myself, about unwritten words, about longings, about everything I will feel then, there.

Letters written for my dear ones, for anyone who needs a journey of any kind, for lovers of letters, for dreamers, overthinkers, for everyone who resonates with this dream of mine.

And so, I began writing letters for the first chapter: “Letters before Bali”.

There are 9 at this moment, and about the one bellow there’s a quite interesting story.

I wrote it back in 2015, and I only realized about its existence when I was starting to write the third letter.
This one was written for a dear friend from that time, who was going to Bali for a few months.

And reading it, I felt like I actually wrote it for myself.

“My dear one,

There are only a few days left until your journey to a magical place.
A place where people care about happiness.
That kind of simple and genuine happiness, when your whole being enjoys watching a sunset over the ocean in silence.
An island.

Far from the hustle and bustle of the city, a noise that only allows you to be with yourself in a few moments lost among many other moments full of thoughts and stress.

Trust yourself and go there without any regrets.
You deserve this trip.
You deserve to live everything you feel it is meant for you.
You deserve to be free and happy.

As for your loved ones, they will always be by your side.
Either that you are here or you’re thousands of miles away.

I remember with a smile on my face our last goodbye… let’s say it before.
I don’t know how you do it, but every time we meet, it seems to me that I “steal” a little bit of your courage to follow your passions and dreams. And this time, more than ever, you filled my soul with enthusiasm, joy, and emotion.

I admire you for choosing to live this experience.
You are a wonderful person with a warm soul and I am sure that as the months go by, you will evolve into an even more beautiful person. You will be more of who you really are.

I wish for you to live with an open soul every day to come… and to feel intensely every moment.
Sunrises, meditation, raw food, rain, sand, ocean, waves, sun, beautiful people, friendship, feelings, walks, sunsets, moon, stars and sunrises once again.
And then, just you with yourself and a lot of peace.

And one more thing…

Live your passion, but allow yourself to experience new ones in which I am sure you will find yourself.

These being written… until our next meeting that I already dream of, let’s call it “after”, I hug you with the heart a thousand times.

P.s: I will always carry you in my soul… no matter how far you will be.

With sincere affection,
S.”

October 3, 2015

Letters before Bali, Letter No. 1

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