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It’s 1:30 in the afternoon, and I’m no longer in my zoom class.
Instead, I am puking into the toilet.
I’m supposed to give a presentation today, but I can’t.
Instead, I lay here on the floor and pray for this feeling to pass.
I don’t know what’s wrong, but I am not myself.
Tears running down my cheeks, I wonder how I got here.
So much feels like a blur.
I didn’t really choose this path. Instead, I landed here after various experiences, many of them that I didn’t exactly want.
It’s been eight years now since I packed my suitcase and left my childhood home, and some days I feel as if my life is spinning around me or I’m spinning in my life. I don’t know which is more accurate.
I’m the kind of person who always gets work done no matter what, but today I can’t.
I just can’t do it.
I need to lay here.
I need to puke.
I just need to hold myself today and try again tomorrow.
I can’t pretend that I’m okay when I’m not.
I need to tell someone, so I’m writing the world today.
Today I can’t do it.
I can’t pretend to be okay.
All I can do is hold myself.
All I can do is lay here and try again tomorrow.
And I will try.
Not today, though.
Yes, tomorrow I will go to work.
Tomorrow, I will do my homework.
Tomorrow, I will finally shower and put on some clean clothes.
Tomorrow, I will smile again and walk with my head held high.
Today, though, I will allow myself to lay here and cry.
I will allow myself this day to let it out.
I will allow myself this time so I can heal.
I will allow myself this time because even warriors cry.
Yes, even warriors cry.