He kissed me sweetly as we stood in his bedroom.
I was 16. He was 19. We met at work and instantly clicked. He was tall and had shoulder-length blonde hair. He looked like a surfer.
His age, although only three years older, was an instant turn on.
There was something about an older man that was thrilling. He was sweet and kind. He wanted to spend every waking minute with me.
He was the one I was going to give myself to for the first time. I think I knew he was the one the moment our eyes first met. I hadn’t planned to wait for marriage.
I grew up as a Catholic, but it didn’t seem realistic to wait. My body was screaming, “It’s time now, buttercup.” So I knew it would happen before I graduated high school.
His sweet kisses became frantic as he leaned his body against mine. I felt him harden the longer he kissed me.
He whispered in my ear, “Are you sure about this?”
And holy hell, was I ready to experience sex for the first time. Every inch of my body was on fire.
After, I declined his offer to drive me home. I walked. I needed time to reflect on the moment that changed everything. I was now a woman.
My childlike innocence was gone.
I wanted to tell my mother, sister, and friends. I wanted to shout it from the rooftops that I had sex for the first time. But I wasn’t supposed to talk about sex.
Girls are taught not to talk about sex—never. It’s special, intimate, and private.
Boys are encouraged to talk about sex. In the locker room, with their uncle, or anyone who would listen.
If girls talked about sex, the word slut would be thrown around—who comes up with this bullsh*t?
It was hard enough as a girl to understand our changing bodies yet come to grips with the desires that boiled within. Having no one to talk to felt goddamn lonely.
Why couldn’t we talk about sex?
We were just as curious as boys. We were just as ready as boys. Something so important should be talked about without shame, worry, or guilt.
Because I couldn’t talk about it, I was left with so many unanswered questions.
My innocence was gone. I was now a woman. Yet, I didn’t feel any different. There was no after-glow. My body didn’t feel different. Nothing had really changed at all.
Teaching girls to keep quiet about sex affects them in their adult relationships.
We didn’t feel comfortable speaking to our partners and husbands about what we wanted, what we needed, or how to get us to that magical place we all seek—the place where we feel truly connected with the pleasures of a sexual encounter.
As the years moved along, I felt more and more dissatisfied with sex—it felt one-sided. Sex felt almost robotic. I felt an emptiness that lingered.
I felt lost and confused. What was the point of sex if there was no connection? Something was missing.
Sometimes it felt almost pointless. I was at the point where I would rather be alone than share my bed with my lover.
I stopped caring about standards. I didn’t care about what I was or wasn’t supposed to do. We lived in a world post “Sex and the City,” so I began to talk about sex.
To my surprise, the more I openly talked about sex, the more women were talking back. I could talk, ask questions, and listen.
We all kept quiet for a really long time.
Now when I meet my friends for lunch or a night out, our favorite topic is sex.
Sex, sex, and more sex. We reminisce about past lovers. We talk about what works and what doesn’t. We discuss passion. We debate expectations. It’s our time to freely talk about sex.
Being able to freely talk about sex opens the door to understanding, growth, and knowledge. The more I learned, the more excited I became about sex.
I developed a better understanding of how important sex was as a part of my life.
I realized sex played a significant role in bonding with my partner. It’s a connection with another human. It’s probably one of the most intimate moments we can experience with one another.
I learned I played a huge role in my sex life. It wasn’t about just being available to do my part. I could seek pleasure, love, and commitment. I wasn’t afraid to ask for things I wanted or needed any longer. I became an equal partner.
I discovered that I held the key to my sex life. I had the power to make it extraordinary—I f*cking changed the storyline. I was the director of this story—I was thrilled to be a part of and star in it at the same time.
I am now completely open and honest when it comes to sex without shame, worry, or guilt.
Girls should be encouraged to talk about sex just as much as boys do. It’s a huge part of life.
They have the right to talk, ask questions, and feel comfortable with one of the most beautiful moments we can share with someone.
Girls who are encouraged to talk about sex become women who openly talk about sex. The more women talk about sex, the more they are able to talk about it with their partner without feeling uncomfortable.
The benefits of talking to our partner can bring openness and closeness to the relationship. These are the essentials for a sustainable and healthy sex life.
Let’s give everyone that chance.
Dear women, please keep talking.
The more we talk, the more we get out of our sexual experience.