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June 14, 2021

Heartstrings

every day i come to her

and she sends me her avatar

the smiling happy version of her

that she thinks that i want to see

every day i invite the real her out to meet me

and promise not to reject

her sad

her heavy

her angry

her shame

until one day she is not the happy

smiling babbling brook of activity

she is silent.

.moody.

.stormy.

she is rude.

.standoffish.

refusing to eat.

defiantly she sits.

daring me to let go

to turn away and leave

she taunts me

to reject the real

the stripped-down version of who she is

she tests me

convinced that we will like her avatar better

that her avatar is who we have really come to see

the vulnerable

rawness of her is breath-taking

i hang in there

i hold her close

i do not leave

my heart

head and body

respond to her sadness

with sadness of my own

i want to hide this part of me from her

to protect her

but instead

i let my own rawness show

i honour her nakedness

with the nakedness of my own

It is difficult

uncomfortable

and exhausting

but we hang in there

sitting in sadness together

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