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June 4, 2021

Saying Good-bye To The Woman I Once Was

Photo by picjumbo.com on Pexels.

“ step lightly into the person you are slowly  becoming”

The following poem and experience was written on a long weekend in May. I was saying good- bye to Spring blooms and gladly welcoming Summer . I was letting go !

In reflection I wrote the following :

I have been writing tons of poetry lately and the other projects are put aside. Poetry flows like a spring from the depths of my soul.

I’m a creative soul awakening to life. Lately I feel like I am in a pivotal stage in life- a transitioning. This past weekend was a holiday and usually long weekends and holidays bring sadness and grief.

I feel my own and the grief of my love ones.
Like the singer Feist sings “ I feel it all” Driving home after visiting family with Feist blaring on the stereo I feel a sensation rising and think to myself “ let go”. This is something new.
I notice with curiosity.

I must be honest.

This weekend I attempted to prepare myself for the waves.We know that this rarely works or helps. What happened instead was something entirely new. I found myself in awe, for I experienced awareness.This new awareness offered a fresh perspective. In a way it was a parting of the old- like a snake shedding or a caterpillar emerging. This weekend was full of transitioning and growth. There were some bitter sweet moments. My baby sister and her family said goodbye to their home. This house was the home that she brought her babies home to.The house that we gathered together for many holidays. We said goodbye and she said hello to a new home. My daughter finished her last law assignment saying goodbye to student life. Her baby my grandson started talking and teething transitioning from infant to toddler.  The truth was that my entire family all had their own things going on and I felt a void.  I also felt all of their energy. To take care of myself I created space and practiced extra self-care.

Together we were able to celebrate birthdays in new Covid friendly ways and I said goodbye to the woman I had outgrown – myself . You see when I braced myself for the sadness and the grief I heard another voice rising one that was ready to take centre stage. One that was ready to say good- bye to the old Renee and let myself step lightly into the woman I was becoming. Just as my family let go of the old moving forward I realized I was too !

The following poem is a conversation between my wiser self and the person I am now . This is my awakening. This is love.

The Awakening
Darling ,
It is time

Time to let go
The time is now

It is time

Time to say good bye

Like a doorway you need to walk through.
I sigh, I settle and breathe deeply

In Reflection,

I realize that I have outgrown myself and my old familiar ways

My thoughts and feelings

My fears and anxiety – my grief

“Darling one , says my inner-voice, you are strong and you are resilient.”

“You are ready to turn the page and write your own brilliant story.”

Saying good -bye is hard to do especially when that person is you !

Growth is a journey and a new chapter begins .
So it begins

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