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July 26, 2021

Let the parents be. We all err

Photo by Emma Bauso on Pexels.

Dear Parent, thank you for bringing us up up-to this level. We will take it from here.

Yes, we all have that share of complaints against our parents. They have been either too strict, too lenient, too ____ (you name it). I have my own complaints. I have seen my friends having their own complaints of parents being narcissistic, parents being money minded, parents being over protective, parents being too strict… the list is unending.

Of parents being hypocrites. At times wherein Parents have actually tried to keep you away from a fling (in teen times).  At times hitting the child every single time they were frustrated with something in their lives. Parents not being supportive like the other parents are (that again is contextual). Or parents doing too much. Taking so much care that the kid could not be independent even when 40 ! Did I hint, men here ? who are dependent on their mothers for long (especially in India). Maybe. I have seen most damsel in distress (gender agnostic) still relying on their parents for financial support! Seriously ? If you cannot make a living at this age then, when ? These are the same people who blame their parents for not giving enough financial support. Oh, Wait the classic, property or money brawl. About Siblings being getting more than you did.

Or parents loosing their patience when they had more than one kid. The elder kid being blamed for everything possible while the younger one spared. Or Vice versa. You name it & you will have some or the other complaint about your own parent.

We all have been through some impact caused by our parents. Some of us have been able to sail through. Some not. Some may be still in talking terms with them. Some may be living with their parents, Some may not be in touch.

Sometimes the disciplinary acts may result into one doubting if one is eligible for love without actually doing anything. Sometimes being scared of parent’s reaction. Sometimes kids are afraid of parents reaction via peer pressure too. There is a general notion that the parent might not agree to oneself. There was this time when only academic achievement was considered noteworthy. Times have changed today. Today it is acceptable to great at many more things than just academics. But this continuous human comparison of who is better as a child / who is better as a kid has not changed. & comparison has its own effects.

Today, I am a parent.

I know the situation is  different. I am a single parent & the load, stress is way different to handle some times. (remember, it takes a village ?) I have actually made peace with a lot of the mistakes made by my parents & am wanting none of those parenting styles affect my kid. Though I have sometimes seen myself go on an auto mode and replicating the same reaction that my parents gave me over something / some similar situation. Most of the times I realize when that is happening. Sometimes I know it is right even. Sometimes I realize that some reaction from my parents which felt wrong then felt right today. Sometimes I know it is wrong & I do my best to explain my reaction to my kid. It takes some time. Sometimes I am able to not replicate the parenting style.

But there’s one thing that I have realized. Despite all my efforts I am not perfect. & I am not a perfect parent for sure. I do my best to give the best possible solution to my kid & my kid surprises me by being more practical & assertively skeptical. But then we learn from the environment too. We carry a few genes too. & we build our own conscience system too.

Sometimes it comes to my mind, my parents were & are also like me. Imperfect. But that did help me being me. We may have our complaints, but I think its time we let go of the mistakes that our parents may have done when we were little.

May be find a different way of parenting. Maybe correct a little for the coming generation.

& yet not be perfect.

We all err. Right ?

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