View this post on Instagram
I believe that the universe always delivers what is needed when it is required.
Healing from trauma isn’t linear, it is an ongoing cycle. There are days where the soul radiates a forceful glow, and there are days where it is almost overridden by dark clouds. Some days feel like it is behind us and we can move on. Other days it feels inescapable and weighs the weight of the world.
I feel like I am just waking up in my life. Years of suppression have bubbled to the surface of my thoughts and emotions. They demand to be heard. Realizations that the comfort of my slumber must be disturbed in order to be released for good.
Healing from trauma is messy work. Particularly on the dark days.
I have been going through some of those dark days. I have felt immense feelings of failure, hopelessness, invisibility, loneliness, and lethargy. These were triggered by having to write a timeline of traumatic events from six months ago. Regret, shame, fear, struggle—it was all felt during the event and has come for a reprise.
Meditation has helped me become mindful of the subtle gifts the universe provides us. The cleansing feeling of the rain, The hues of a sunrise or sunset, The loving look of a dog. It can be easy to forget these things during dark days. Today was one of those days for me. Everything was grey and cold. (I live in the southern hemisphere where it is currently winter.) I was numb and wondering where my place is in what seems like a crazy world.
I was longing for the years past when I was younger and the world felt different. Where hours of play filled the day and the crickets at sundown indicated it had drawn to an end. This longing to feel anything at all like I did as a child carried with me throughout the rest of the evening.
The menial duties that I resent when I am in this state of mind called. It was time to cook dinner (again) and feed the animals. An hour after, the dog whined at the door to be let out for the toilet. I went outside in the cold to ensure his business was done (as usual). I watched him for a few minutes, thinking about the numbness I have within.
And just when I thought I had lost all sense of wonder, I saw a shooting star.
The universe showed up for me in a moment that I couldn’t show up for myself. The glimmer in my eye returned instantly. The message was clear: don’t give up on your sense of wonder, for there is wonder everywhere when you open your heart.
Trauma and healing can be a lonely journey, but the universe is always by our side. The gifts it provides us during the process are subtle but impact deeply when noticed. When all feels lost, look to the sky, the flowers, the lake, and look inside of you. Gifts from the universe are everywhere, outside and within.