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We all want a certain kind of life.
We all want the kind of life that has some sunshine and roses, a cool breeze, warm days, peaceful nights, and bright mornings.
We all want good things to happen to us and with us. There are some things that we can create for ourselves, and there are those that lie outside of our purview.
But before we know it, what lies outside our inner circles starts taking over every aspect of our lives.
Knowingly or unknowingly, we start drifting toward trying to control, fix, and change what we can’t. In that process, we lose sight of what we are actually capable of.
Sooner or later, the frustration, stress, and anger over not being able to change the unchangeable begin to erode our inner circle, our emotions, confidence, and belief in our own ability to initiate and create meaningful shifts for ourselves.
As time passes, we become mere spectators of our lives where all we can do is just sit and watch our emotional and physical health, our careers, relationships, and life aspirations just wither away.
We become shadows of our own selves.
Our ambitions and aspirations become distant memories, and we indulge more and more in things that continue to take us away from them.
We blame, criticize, complain, and behave in ways that continuously fill us with self-loathing and hatred.
We let go of our freedom, independence, and ability to manifest and simply become bystanders in our own lives.
To think of the kind of life we want to live seems like a utopian ideal—the one we can never reach.
We hurt ourselves and the ones we love as we become consumed by our own guilt, anger, frustration, and helplessness.
When life comes knocking with opportunities, we refuse to open the door because we feel like we don’t deserve them.
We find solace and comfort in our unhealthy habits and patterns because they give us pleasure and respite from pain—even if it is momentary. We hold on to toxic relationships and choices because at least they are familiar.
We lock ourselves up in our own abyss of dissatisfaction and misery because even that becomes comfortable after a while.
But there isn’t any growth in comfort, is there?
Underneath all this self-sabotage lie our own ideas and beliefs about ourselves—that we don’t deserve anything better. So we destroy whatever good that we have and run away from all the good there is to come.
We destroy our own peace, smoke it away, or drink it down, hurt ourselves or the ones around us. We run away from what is meant for us and break what is already ours.
We confine ourselves to a space where it’s only us and the demons within, and with every wound that we inflict on ourselves, we let them win.
Sometimes we know we’re doing it, and sometimes we don’t.
But what matters is what we choose to do once we know that we’re doing it, once we know that we have a choice and that the door was never locked from outside but from within.
The question is: will we still let our demons win?