Life as I know it is changing.
I am ready for the big one!

As I write this my car is getting an overdue service. With free coffee and wifi I settle in.

I start writing the “ big one” in my head and the tears well and the technician asks if I’m ok.

I gulp and stammer and say “I am writing my first book”.
The technician shrugs and looks confused and offers me free tissues and continues on.

I take a break from the “ big one” and pause to write this little ditty.

The truth is I have started to write several books over the years and haven’t been able to finish one.

This particular book that I am writing is painful.

Like most of my writing, it is infused with my life and the people in it. The whole thing is meaty.

I tell myself I’m ready for the big one. It will be painful and may be part of my healing journey.

We all have something that we may consider our “ big one”.

For some it may be a relationship and others a job or house.

Really it is anything that moves and propels you forward in life.

This caterpolting forward isn’t for the faint of heart and often these “big ones” are life altering and changing .

We may even lose people, places and things in exchange.

Growth is sometimes and most often painful.

I will write my book alone.

This is scary to think about and there is heaviness and grief connected.

The wounded parts may crack open in the process.

I am titrating the whole thing slowly adding and increasing time to write.

I am feeling it all.

My tribe of people have told me that they will be here for me in the wings and over visits with coffee and wine.

This feels supportive and comforting and still I know this is a solitary experience one in which I will need to journey alone.

As the technician finishes up with the car he hands me a chocolate and a pen.

This isn’t part of the service I realize and I am grateful for the kindness.

“This book you are writing he asks, will it be a big one?” I smile and laugh and pause before answering “ yes”.

A small act of kindness and interaction melted my heart and gave me some encouragement to continue on.

I am ready for the big one are you?