December 9, 2021

A Not-so-Typical “How to Find True Love” Guide.


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What is true love, really? How do you know who your true love is?

It’s really hard to answer these questions as love is an abstract concept and diverse people define it differently. It is a relative but powerful feeling as it affects us in so many ways. There is nothing like it.

It appears that throughout life, instead of a shoulder angel on one side and a shoulder devil on the other side, the battle is run by our heart on one side and reason on the other.

The real question is which one needs to win in order for us to be happy?

This is not yet another cliché “how to” guide with steps we can take that can magically result in finding true love.

If you wanted that, you’re in the wrong place.

It is about true love though, but it is also about real life and how to find true love within first, backed up with some genuine life experience and valuable lessons learned.

We can’t expect to find true love just by reading some post—it goes way beyond that (not that we can’t learn useful and applicable things from such texts).

A Word on Modern Relationships

Nowadays, our relationships with other people, not necessarily love relationships, often feel impersonal. That’s probably caused by blinding image obsessiveness, which in turn creates self-absorbed narcissists who care only about themselves and nobody else.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that there weren’t any ego-centric, narcissistic people in the past. There definitely were. However, now, as social media news feeds are full of “perfectly” beautiful and handsome men and women, people have focused on living up to these standards they themselves have put up.

It’s not that it’s wrong to live up to some standards, but it’s important to stay true to ourselves and not lose ourselves somewhere along the way. This is important as we first need to know and love ourselves before we can love somebody else.

Women in Relationships in the Past versus Now

We might wrongfully be living under a false impression that there are more failed marriages and divorces today than there were in the past.

“How come?” you might wonder.

Well, first of all, the position of women has (slightly) changed for the better, probably thanks to the feminist movements.

Just think about this: does it necessarily mean that women were happy with their marriages in the past or they just didn’t have any other choice? I should elaborate on what I mean by “any other choice.”

In the past, women were more dependent on their husbands, financially and real-estate-wise. So, even if they felt unhappy in their marriage, they didn’t have other options as to where to go and what to make a living from. This was due to the fact that they devoted their lives to raising children in most cases. And not to mention the condemnation of society.

However, with the modern age and feminism, we can see some changes in the position of women today. Even though it’s only the beginning, the changes are here and, as I can see, they are to stay. Women are slowly gaining more rights and equality in all aspects of life.

This brings certain financial independence. And with independence, women can make their own choices. It’s perhaps easier to decide if we want some person in our life or not. By easier, I mean, not affected by finances or some other thing women heavily depended on in the past. Being independent helps women see more clearly, without any obligations. In order to grasp the meaning of such words, it’s best to illustrate with a real-life example.

Every relationship is there for a reason: to teach us a valuable lesson.

And what better example than my own experience?

Being in a committed relationship for 10 years (and not only that, but also living with that person as well), thinking that was it, has made it really tough for me to see clearly what it is that I want.

During the last two years of that relationship, I caught myself often thinking about whether it was love or just a habit, a person I got used to. What I also realized and what my family and friends noticed was that I looked rather unhappy and dissatisfied almost all the time. And the fact was that I felt so. Somehow, I struggled and couldn’t make peace with the fact that I was going to be miserable for the rest of my life.

On the other hand, I also thought about breaking up, but the mere idea of that decision was absolutely terrifying to me due to a few reasons. First of all, I was 28 at that point. I feared that perhaps I was too late already. Also, how was I going to tell him how I feel? I realized it wasn’t going to be easy and that I was probably going to crush his world.

Then the question of moving also popped in my mind, and I thought this was even worse than a divorce. I thought about everything and everyone, except for myself. And then I realized that I am the only person I should care about in this case. My happiness should be above all. And however tough it seems, it’s even tougher to keep living a lie and an unhappy, unfulfilled life.

Making a choice is never easy.

This entire period of me rethinking my whole life and the moves I should make lasted for quite some time, and it had burdened me in such a way nothing had before. I knew that I needed to make a choice as I couldn’t live like that anymore. I was in pain and agony, and I just wanted for it to end.

And then, I finally exploded one night and poured my soul out. I couldn’t handle those feelings of hassle and uneasiness anymore. Even though it was one of the toughest decisions I have made in my life, it was the right one. I knew right away as soon as I came around because I felt completely free.

To get back to the position of women today. It was somewhat easier to make the decision I made as I am an independent woman with a job, who pays rent on her own. I knew that I wasn’t tied to my partner and that it was my choice to be there. And also it was my choice not to be there as well.

So, if you’re struggling with similar thoughts or if you find yourself in a similar situation, know that it is your choice to be there. Or not. Even though it might seem like something inconceivable in the beginning, as it did to me, it is possible to start a new life, completely free and ready to meet the love of your life.

Don’t consent to a love or a life you’re not ecstatic, completely happy, and satisfied with, as life is short and we don’t get many chances.

I got my second chance and I intend to use it.

I advise you to do the same.

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