December 2, 2021

Online, Reality is Lost in Shame & Judgment.


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It’s hard sharing our truth and thoughts online.

Our whole lives are the stories and thoughts we tell ourselves—our thoughts are, therefore, our reality. That is why reality is not a universal truth and is different for everyone.

The aim for many of us healing from traumas, chronic or small, is to change the stories we tell ourselves, so we can empower ourselves instead of disempower ourselves.

The problem is how to tell a story in this world that doesn’t leave us defending ourselves or having others shame us because of the pain they feel about their own story, or because they cannot see that what we shared isn’t about them, it’s not personal. Instead, it is simply a person sharing their stories and life in hope it helps themselves, or another to heal.

The problem is, how can we see others truths and stories, and learn that it is not about right or wrong, or about our story or theirs—that it’s just simply about observing or letting go, and seeing that there are many ways to experience, live, see, and process life?

The online world allows us to see everything our heart desires, where once we could only see it if we went there ourselves.

Since being online I have experienced things that have given me life, healed me, helped me to evolve, found myself, had an income during COVID-19 to pay bills, and grown. However, counter to that, I have also experienced hatred, shame, and judgement, which has reignited my depression and thoughts of suicide, and caused me to question myself and who I am.

One of the things I find so hard is that there is always a counter or another perspective, but we humans do not know how to observe the counter of our own perspectives.

What I also find damning, is that online so many of us do not use our common sense—nor do the algorithms:

>> Online, a human teaching yoga can be placed on a porn site or called porn. Offline, a teacher teaching the same yoga is respected for their teaching.

>> Online, a bikini is considered sexual or pornographic, yet offline you can go to the beach with your family and be a decent and respected human.

>> Online boudoir photography is erotica and the model is often misappropriated, while offline, you can go to an art class or photoshoot and that model is deeply respected as part of the art.

>> Online, when women are considered beautiful, men send them d*ck pictures, but offline when a woman is considered beautiful, men would greet her with respect.

In this world of online and offline, we have lost perspective and balance by the stories we have created. Because of the lack of physical connection that we have, we have lost empathy, and the ability to hold compassion.

It feels like online and offline have become ”splitting the ambivalence.” One takes the positive position, the other the negative, and the suppressed pain of our lives finally boils over, often in the online world to strangers we don’t know.

It’s riveting to get a look into peoples live’s online. Some of it is new to many of us, and even those who are posting are discovering new aspects about themselves. We are often listening as people make discoveries about themselves and their lives as they evolve online through social media, art, and blogs. Some bristle and lash out, others lay their souls bare.

So many of us suck at being accountable for ourselves and our lives, and the online world allows us to feel the pain and project it. It also allows us to judge and shame (as we cannot hold conversations face to face), and then we think we do not need to address the pain, and so we stay in our darkness, unaware hurt people are hurting people.

We as people are hungry for truth in every sector of our lives. It’s the antidote. When we look at our truth, we quickly realise that we are standing in front of the mirror, and that the people who we are listening to or judging and shaming online, and even offline, are going to give us the words and the language for the conversations we want to have.

You see, we have this great promise of digital technology—that if everything is expressed, people will connect deeper and more empathetically—but this is false. What would help this online world is remembering that everyone wants to be heard.

We must hold ourselves accountable and remember to listen more, and hold the conversations to build awareness with ourselves and others, rather than judge and shame.

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