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December 21, 2021

What if Hate could Make our Relationships Work?

 

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It’s often been said that love is good, hate is bad, rationality is good, and mistakes are bad.

But what if I told you that hate is the best feeling anyone can have, and mistakes are the greatest things that can happen to us?

Relationships are built on love, or so I’ve been told.

How can we be in a relationship with someone if we don’t love them, right? We love every little thing they do, every small detail they have, every move they make. We love being with them, next to them, holding them.

Sounds perfect; I know. But that’s not enough. That’s never enough, and I’ll tell you why.

The reason why some people stay in a relationship is not because they love each other, but because they hate the idea of being away from each other. They hate not being there; they hate not seeing their lover every day; they hate the fact that they cannot touch them, kiss them, hold them, or look deeply in their eyes.

Yes, love is amazing. It’s a beautiful feeling to have, but, sometimes, we don’t break up with someone because we stop loving them. That’s rarely the case.

We break up with them because we stop hating the idea of being away from them. We stop hating the fact that we won’t see them, touch them, hug them, kiss them.

So, you see, hate is not that bad after all because without it, we stop fighting for what or whom we love.

Sometimes, when two people love each other and—for whatever reason—people around them don’t want them to be together, they fight to stay together. But why? They don’t fight to stay together because they just love each other—that never changes. They do it because they hate being apart.

And if their hatred of being apart is greater than people’s hatred of them being together, they stick it out. And if it isn’t, they fall apart.

That’s what’s amazing about hate. In this case, hate is great.

When we are in a relationship, we want to make as many rational decisions as we can so that our partner feels happy. But we often end up making mistakes. And these mistakes can often lead to big fights. I’m not saying that mistakes are good every time, but think about it for a second.

If we keep making rational decisions, afraid of what our partner might think, and we don’t take risks because we are afraid of making a mistake, where will that lead us?

We will become so predictable in our partner’s eyes that, eventually, even if we don’t mean for it to happen, fights start to occur on a regular basis. What do we do then? Nothing.

We tried to avoid making mistakes so much that, eventually, they caught up with us.

On the other hand, let’s say we made a mistake. We chose the wrong restaurant, or we guessed our partner’s favorite color wrong. It’s fine, and I will tell you when and why.

If we did these mistakes early in our relationship, it’s still too early for them to be angry with us because it’s the learning phase. Both of us are meant to assume what our partner may or may not like in the beginning. But making those same mistakes later on is a big no. So don’t be afraid to make a mistake and admit it. Some of those mistakes can lead to wonderful things that we didn’t know could’ve happened.

Relationships are hard. There’s no denying that.

They take a lot of time, a lot of dedication, and a lot of teamwork. And if for some reason your relationship is over, don’t think for a second that it’s because you or your partner stopped loving each other. It’s not always the case. It’s because one or both of you have realized that you don’t hate the others absence.

One last thing, never regret making a mistake. We are humans; it’s in our nature.

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