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February 5, 2022

Surrender to Pleasure

Photo by Pok Rie on Pexels.

We surrender to our sexuality, to our deep pleasure by becoming sex rather than doing sex, having sex.

For many of us sex is a doing thing, it has a progression that we follow, which is mostly a pattern that is largely unconscious.

It has steps and boxes for us to tick off and check.

It often, mostly has a goal of orgasm, which keeps us in the pattern of doing, something we have to reach, make happen. It also becomes the criterion by which to judge the experience, was it successful, did we get there?

And we do things, all these amazing techniques that we’ve learned. For many of us the sexual journey is about learning more and more techniques and practices. It’s part of this voracious hunger we have for information. We want to put more and more into our minds, into our brains.

(There’s a part of me that really enjoys the technique stuff, I love teaching it.) And one of the things I’ve learned about it is that we need to put it in a context.

It’s not about getting it right, it’s not about being an amazing, whatever that means, amazing lover. That’s about a judgment, a comparison.

Becoming sex and surrendering to that is a doorway to limitless possibilities.

We allow it to come from a place within us, a place in our bodies, in our hearts, that’s not always the same place.

It’s what’s here now.

It comes from different parts of us, and this has so many different entry points to a sexual experience.

Sometimes it comes through our eyes, your eyes in mine, my eyes watching your body.

Sometimes it comes from movement, from dance.

Sometimes it comes from stillness.

Sometimes it comes from touch, holding hands, a caress, hands that may be still on your body, and they begin to move without the thought of the mind.

Sometimes it comes from the mind, from a conversation, from words.

Sometimes it starts with a kiss.


What’s there now, in this moment, in me, in you, between us?

Where is the desire arising?

And what dance is the expression of it, the flow?

This opens us to so many different expressions of our sexuality and pleasure.

The gentle, the tender, the loving, the laughing, the crying, the fire.

The quick, the slow, the pause, the change in tempo, in music.

And one of the most important things we learn is that all these dances end differently.

This is so important because in this we start to become aware of what we’ve been so conditioned to, in body and mind.

Orgasm is just one, just one ending in this beautiful, vast field of pleasure, feeling, sensation and sex.

Fulfillment can be experienced and felt in many ways.

Surrendering to this is deeply freeing.

And it’s where we can surrender to the pleasure, to the moment.

Rumi wrote a beautiful line, What we seek is seeking us.

In our surrender to sexuality, sexuality surrenders to us.

There’s no more control, there’s no more ‘the way it has to be’.

There’s now, here, you and I.

More and more I see how the journey of healing, of growth, of learning, experiencing is a journey of becoming rather than doing.

There’s no separation here, our sexuality is not separate from us, it is us, and we are it.

Often in yoga I’ve heard people say Let the yoga do you.

In surrender we don’t do yoga, the yoga doesn’t do us. We become it.

We become the touch.

We become the kiss.

We become the gaze.

We become the sensation.

We become the feeling.

We become the pleasure.

We become the sex.

We are the possibility of the experience of the fullness of our bodies and our hearts.

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