The past two years have made me delirious, over worked and frustrated with life and relationships.

Like many I feel that the pandemic and the traumatic world events have taken a toll.

I will admit that I have taken advantage of this current state and I have blamed too many things on this instability. I have used the pain I felt as an excuse to do things I never would do.

Writing and lust have become a sweet addiction and reminder that I’m still here and very much alive.

We all want to feel something other than pain and struggles.

I can easily sink into the fantasy world and romance is no different.

Still deep down I know that men tell women what they want to hear and what they desperately wish to believe themselves.

In the depths of my own pain in desperation I escaped into a surreal world of lust, emotions and pining.

Writing became a constant and a refuge. Ironically what I wrote about became reality.

Thoughts and words really do have power.

Let that sink in!

The fantasy world lept from the page and into my own reality.

We must be careful what we wish for. What we think we want might not be the best for us.

Thankfully, dreams have been a wake up call. Our dreams are often messengers which serve a purpose to wake us up or help us heal. During the course of a week I have had several dreams that have spoken to me. These dreams helped me to wake up, get on and move on with life and reality.

One late night in a fevered dream, the devil drove by and asked me to get in with a wink and a sigh.

“Darling I need a woman to feel alright tonight”. My heart skipped a beat and I watched on in disbelief. I told myself that I was dreaming. This devil looked fine and he smelled fabulous. He flashed a big smile and I leaned in. “ Honey, do you find me charming and fine?”

Why the devil needs reassurance is a mystery to me. In the still of night I woke with a cold sweat . That felt so real I thought to myself. Oh, it felt so right!

After I tried to make sense of the dream. I offer that my subconscious must be wrestling with my choices. After all I have been trying to make sense of my behaviors which are very uncharacteristic. In a dream state and in real life I had danced with the devil and I let him take me home. The dance was hypnotic. I became friends with devil. I let him in. He played with my mind and offered me everything I ever wanted. He praised me and seduced me saying he loved my ” light”  The writing that followed was delicious.

Still, I felt robbed of lightness and my own truth. The devil isn’t always the devil and the embodiment of this darkness can look like  prince charming. When we dance with the devil we lose our self and our soul. The light from us dwindles and fades as we feed the darkness and then sadly we become the night.

The last devil dream that I had the devil again appeared and asked me for a ride. I let the devil drive on and I walked alone in the rain. I did not fall for his charisma this time. Charm can be deceitful and beauty can be vain just as the bible says. I am a woman who usually isn’t easily swayed. I am taking back my pen and the seduction has ended.

I am ready to write a new story and honestly I have no choice. I had to chose between being consumed by the darkness or return to reality. I am not ready to lose my soul or this life.

Seduction is a dangerous concoction.

Lust and the heady high have serious consequences.

I am ready to ground and return to my senses.

I have learned a few lessons here.

You can’t dance with the devil he will never be a friend.