I dated a guy who had previously dated so many women he was practically a professional.
I was captivated by the things he did. After learning a tremendous amount and having a fantastic experience, I’ve decided to share his secrets.
Don’t let your head go in the wrong direction here. You can’t actually force anyone to do anything—including falling in love with you. However, you can create the best circumstances to allow it to happen naturally.
You can try these:
1. The first time you meet (or on your first date)—fill your bodies with endorphins and dopamine in a healthy way. Dancing, exercise, and movement in general release these feel-good, be-happy chemicals into the body. If you’re taking things slow, consider going for a walk or local hike, or try dancing if you want to move a little faster. Pick an activity that works for you. If it’s the first time you meet, make sure to get their contact info and then leave shortly afterward to keep them wanting more. Don’t go home with them on the first night if you want it to last.
2. Contact them the following day and say something nice to show you are interested in seeing them again. You can keep it low-key, in a text message or similar. You don’t need to call and have a whole conversation, but it’s nice not to leave them hanging. We aren’t 16-year-olds playing hard to get here. If you did your job the night before, they will be thinking about you; don’t keep them waiting.
3. Once you’ve started texting/messaging or talking on the phone regularly, or maybe you’ve had a second date, make sure you ask questions about their interests and life. Allow them to open up to you. Give them the space to talk and actually be interested in what they are saying.
4. Say “yes” as often as possible. If they call you up and say, “Let’s go do this,” you need to go do that. Be reliable. If you say you’re going to do something or be somewhere, you’d better be there. At the same time, remember you don’t have to bend over backward and let them walk all over you; if you have to say “no,” it’s okay to say “no.” Just remember to do the things you say you will do.
5. Give thoughtful gifts for all the holidays. Remember all those questions you asked in the beginning? Hopefully, you were paying attention because the gift should complement their interests and personality. They might say they don’t want anything—and some genuinely don’t. But it’s rare for someone to turn down a gift, especially one as thoughtful as yours will be.
6. Compliment them. Most people love being complimented, even if they get a little embarrassed. Share your heart, say what you like about them and make it genuine.
7. Wear a scent they like. Pay attention to when they say you smell good and make note of that preferred cologne, perfume, or deodorant. Olfactory sensory neurons inside your brain create strong memories and connections. They will smell you when you’re not around and be reminded of how awesome you are.
8. Be phenomenal in bed. This one is tricky because, ideally, you have to like the same things. Are both of you totally into missionary, or do you like vibrators and handcuffs? Know what you like, find out what they like, and see if there is a common ground. If they like snuggling, cuddle after sex; it will help solidify the bond between you.
9. Give them permission to be themselves. The very best thing anyone can be is themselves (this includes you too, by the way). Let them tell you what they like and dislike and leave it be without judgment. Saying, “I don’t like it that way, but it’s okay that you do” is perfectly acceptable. Let them tell you when they are upset (you can also say when you’re upset) and allow it to exist without judgment. Allow them to be seen, heard, and understood.
10. Show them you trust them. You can show someone you trust them by keeping your promises and respecting both of your boundaries. Validate their feelings and experiences by listening carefully and acknowledging what comes up without saying it’s wrong or stupid. Show integrity, kindness, and loyalty. By being honest, genuine, and strong in who you are, you automatically give them permission to be the same, and the trust is mutual.
Bonus tip: Hold the door! Oh my gosh, I love someone who holds the door. It’s classic and just a nice thing to do.
Remember, this is meant to be fun. Dating is supposed to be fun and relaxed. Above all, remember to be yourself, and if it doesn’t work out with this person, there will be another one. You shouldn’t have to force a relationship where one doesn’t exist.
Create the opportunity for love and see what happens. If it does work out, and you’re both happy in love, now it’s up to you to help it last. Don’t stop doing these things once you’re together; keep it going and create a healthy relationship that lasts a lifetime.
Good luck and happy dating!