I recall vividly my last Father’s day with my Dad Ed.

I was rushed that day balancing life and relationships. I picked up a succulent and a post card that summed up how I felt that my Dad was always there. He might have disagreed with me on my choices, my actions and my beliefs yet one thing was certain he was always there.

My Dad died in 2015 suddenly. He is nolonger here walking this physical plane and yet I believe that he still is here for me.

My father born in 1947 to a mother in her 50’s briefly smiled at his own father’s face before he passed. He was raised as a single child as his brother’s and sisters had flown the nest. He grew up fatherless and would strive to learn what being a father meant. He vowed to be the best one that he could when he had the chance and studied the art of fatherhood by spending time with brothers and friends. He prepared for fatherhood like a new mother prepares to be a mother.

Raising three daughters wasn’t without it’s challenges. At times he was both father and mother and always a friend. He definitely always had our back.

When holidays bring grief I believe it is important to really increase the self – care as well as our connection with each other. Early this month I though of writing a very different Father’s Day piece focusing on ” gifts”. Digging deeper I realize celebrating the gifts of time is the greatest. That last Father’s Day and our last call was hurried. The last face time I let go to voice mail and it was this” It is your Father calling give me a call”. I have worked through the guilt of not taking his call. I have let go of the guilt I had regarding being focused on my own life and struggles. I have let go of clinging to the words of our last argument because yes we did have them. This ” letting go took time and some work on my part. Since Ed’s passing I have become a different woman. I am still on my journey and I have much to learn. Letting go has helped me walk a little lighter.

This Father’s Day I celebrate the gift of love. I celebrate life and I offer my gratitude for all of the men in my life my son-in law, brothers, uncle and friends. These are the good men that remind me that good men exist.

If this Father’s Day is hard one for you I offer you this. Pour yourself a cup of tea or coffee and watch the sunrise and sunset. Say a mantra or prayer and play some music that speaks to your heart. Buy yourself some flowers and wrap yourself in a shawl or blanket and feel some self- love.

In my heart I hear my own father speak ” God and Dad always have your back dear one”.