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A couple of days ago, I had an experience that activated me.
Here is what happened:
I was sitting down sipping on a green juice when I saw a woman accidentally walk right into another woman.
One woman was Mexican and the other was an American expat.
The American expat walked by me. I said to her, “It seems like she was in her own internal space and didn’t see you.” (My observation.)
She looked at me with disgust and said, “It’s the Mexicans here—they are oblivious.” (Her racist judgement.)
She walked on.
I immediately felt intense pain in my chest. I closed my eyes and touched my heart. Tears began to stream down my face.
My first feelings: pain and shock. My first thought: Ouch, did she really just say that to me?
My second: anger. What a racist b*tch. Why is she even in this country if she has such disrespect for the Latinos here?” (Underneath this is my value for unity, respect, and a boundary to protect both.)
My third: hurt. “F*ck, this hurts my heart so.”
My fourth: shame and guilt. “I am judging her and doing the same divisive behavior she did to the other woman.”
My fifth: grief. “The world is suffering as a result of divisive attacks, threats, judgements, prejudices, and racism that people are using to protect themselves because they are hurting and scared.”
My sixth: compassion. “She is hurting. I am hurting. I let this pain break me open to more love for her, me, and the world.”
My seventh: empowerment and commitment. “Every time I judge, I commit to go deeper into asking myself what’s going on with me. What am I scared of? What are the values I want to commit to and emanate to this world? I commit to assert my boundaries and not project my judgment and pain out onto others or internalize it as an attack against myself.”
My eyes were closed during this internal self-sourcing practice, and as I sat there, a woman walked by and touched my shoulder. I felt the warmth of love surging down into my heart and belly.
I opened my eyes; she walked on.
It was perfect, almost like an angel popped out of no where to soothe me.
The pain from the experience was worth it. I felt the treasure from the trigger deepening me.
It broke my heart open to more love.
This is intimacy.
If I didn’t have the courage to reveal it and open through it, I would have stayed angry, bitter, and in judgment toward that woman. I also wouldn’t have been touched by an angel.
Our heart holds the key to the love and freedom we seek.
Will you continue to protect for fear of rejection or will you un-defend and let it break you open to more love?
The choice is yours.
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