Trying to change your patterns and do things differently is VERY uncomfortable and hard. I don’t think we talk about this enough.
This is why most people don’t do the inner healing and change these things. Sitting with that can be so overwhelming. So much so, that it feels much easier for us to sit in our bad habits rather than to go through those deeply uncomfortable pangs of transformation.
There is uncertainty, negative self talk, anxiety, grief and fear when we have reached the threshold between who we were and who we are becoming. The test is if we can pass through those gates. And sometimes it takes failing multiple times and going through a new gate at each level that we reach. It somewhat reminds me of Atreyu going through the gates in ‘The NeverEnding Story’.
So, why do we feel these things??
I can break it down by explaining the physiological and cerebral reasons why we feel this way in simple terms. You see.. all of our patterns are based off of created neural pathways. The ways we have always been are just like memorized steps. It’s like a deep groove on a track where the marble can roll effortlessly on. It doesn’t need to do any work to move along on its path, the path has already been deeply embedded into our psyche.
When we are trying to create new neural pathways.. by choosing something different.. doing something differently.. telling ourselves something differently than our programming, we are forcing that marble to go off the groove onto a smooth surface and trying to make a new groove and track. That is VERY hard to do. You see, that marble wants to fall back into the groove because it’s effortless and familiar since that groove is already well made.
Our brains don’t really understand that this is bad or good for us. Our brains break things down into two categories: what we know and what we do not know. The thing is.. when we have been doing things and experiencing things one way our whole lives, it does not matter to our brains that it isn’t good or fulfilling. Our brains only want to know the map of that. So, even though that’s crappy territory that makes us feel horrible, empty or even super shitty.. that doesn’t matter to our brains. You see, even though it isn’t for our highest good, the fact of the matter is that our brain knows EXACTLY what to expect on that path. It knows how it’s going to feel.. it knows how to react.. it knows what to anticipate and all of the things that go along with that path. It being good or bad is irrelevant. Our brains interpret knowing the path, as the “safer” way. Therefore, when we are now stepping off of that path into the unknown, our brains go into a panic. Ego steps in with the cavalry to try to usher us back onto the known path.
Cue your inner critic:
“It’s not going to work out.”
“I’m so delusional.”
“I do no deserve that.”
“They don’t even like me.”
“They hate me.”
“I’m not good enough for that.”
“I’m such a failure.”
“It’s too late..”
And various other things it will shout at you to hold you back.
But there is one thing you need to know:
These are not our TRUE thoughts.
None of them are true about us or the situation at hand.
When our Inner Critic shows up, its job isn’t to punish us.
Its job is to keep us safe.. or so it thinks!
Along with these thoughts, we are bombarded with waves of sadness, grief, anger, doubt and the lovely and ever present Fear. These keep us locked into this state of confusion and unrest, designed to keep us on the known path; To keep us “safe”.
But when we begin to awaken, heal and meet our shadow parts.. we learn that our old ways are no longer serving us and are certainly not for our highest good.
We learn how to discern between our own thoughts and the Inner Critic showing up.
We begin to feel love for ourselves.
So despite the discomfort and difficulty, we choose something else.
So, what can we do when we are in this in between place of choosing the new and wanting to take steps towards the things we want?
Nothing really. We have to feel it. There is no way around this. We MUST allow ourselves to feel uncomfortable. We are so used to pushing away uncomfortable things but we can’t take a new path if we don’t get comfortable with that discomfort of going into something blind.
The reality is, we don’t know how things are going to turn out for us.. but the alternative is to stay back and be okay in the mediocre. And to be honest.. most people live in this state of being for their whole life, following this predetermined path without any issues.
But for some of us, we will no longer be able to stomach it.
The path will no longer work for us. We want more.
We want the things our Soul desires.
And we know that we are deserving of that kind of fulfillment.
We want to live with purpose and intention.
We want the things in our life to also be in alignment with who we are.
So, we push through.. and we allow ourselves to sit in this discomfort because we know there is healing here. We know there is growth and expansion there. We know that transformation can feel painful. We know that we are breaking down all the old and all of that falling away means that we no longer can rely on those so called “supportive” structures of habits and patterns we have relied on for most of our life.
And nobody can carry us through that or make us see any of that. We cannot be carried through that by someone else and nor can we carry anyone else through it with us. Everyone must come to this on their own accord. This is after all, the law of Free Will.
So we walk… with wobbly legs. First steps. Little steps.
Into the unknown.
But also, into the best possible outcome.
The BEST possible outcome.
Our discomfort after all, will feel so minimal once we walk into the life that is for us.
But until we get to a place where we feel deserving of that kind of goodness, then we will continue to hold ourselves back.
Even though our voice may tremble, our stomach is in knots, our hands are shaking, there is a part deep within us that says “Go”.
Do it anyway.
And the uncomfortableness of it all becomes distant background noise as we step into our future; Into our forever.
– Giuseppina Barberi
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