Anger surged through my body. I was channeling the four-year-old girl from my past. I thought I had outgrown this, apparently not. I looked into my boyfriend´s eyes and roared like a little kid who wanted more candy.
What is happening to me? Why isn’t my meditation and yoga practice ¨working¨? Why am I acting like this?
I started to analyze myself and my practice. Why wasn’t I transcending into the realms of un-human tranquility?
I am human.
We are human.
And, there is nothing to fix.
The second we try to fix, change and suppress our humanness (and emotions), we start to become a big ball of inauthenticity. As yogis and meditators, we are, first and foremost, humans—no matter how many hours we meditate or practice yoga, and that is ok. In fact, it is beautiful.
We get angry. We get jealous. We get messy. We feel emotions, and there is nothing to change about it. We didn’t fail the big yogi test. In fact, there is no box we have to fit-in to qualify to be a yogi. As soon as we start defining who we ¨should be,¨ we start to feel pressured to be a certain way, and we start to lose our authentic selves to try to fit into a box of perfection.
There is nothing that needs to be changed about us, and there isn’t a certain way that we have to be.
Let´s give up our ¨supposed to be´s¨, our ¨should haves,¨ our ¨would haves¨, our ¨need to be´s¨ and our perfection.
Let´s throw it away.
We are human. And, the second we see ourselves as just that, we can accept ourselves for exactly who we are: beautiful, emotion-feeling, strong, compassionate, authentic humans.
After my body calmed down from its four-year-old-rage, I took a deep breath and felt a wave of compassion surge through me. Rather than pick apart the situation, how I should have acted or how I should have channeled my breath, I accepted it for exactly how it was. I accepted its mess and imperfection because there is is no other way I needed to be.
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