Dealing with Unhappiness in Children

As a parent, knowing your child cannot be happy all of the time and dealing with the reality of this are often two very different things. We do not want our children to feel any hurt, no matter how small. Which is why, when our children do experience a level of unhappiness, we can go about dealing with it in the wrong ways in order to solve the issue as quickly as possible. Taking a step back and approaching your child’s unhappiness with less intensity is therefore vital in order to ensure you do not escalate the problem further.

So, how do you deal with unhappiness in children and, in fact, what are the warning signs?

The Signs

If your child is unhappy, the signs can be both very obvious and also easy to miss. But you know your child best and it is often necessary to trust your instincts in this case. However, there are a few things you can look out for to help you spot an issue. Signs include:

Chronic bedwetting despite being potty trained and consistently dry beforehand.
Appetite change (either higher or lower).
Unusual behaviour – being quiet where once they were loud, aggression, etc.
Over the top mood swings.
Nightmares or trouble sleeping.
Refusal to attend school.

Sleep

Is the child in your care getting enough sleep? A lack of good sleep and a poor routine is one of the biggest causes of unhappiness in children, particularly if they are younger. Even in older children, crankiness and a feeling of unhappiness can be caused by a too-late bedtime or not enough boundaries to ensure they actually sleep.

Creating a good bedtime routine, then, is vital in order to ensure a constant and consistent sleep routine for your child. The better they sleep, the better their moods are likely to be.

Troubled Home Lives

Is there a problem at home which might be causing distress to your child? A change in circumstances, fighting between yourself and your partner, or even the loss of a pet can seem small to you but have a huge impact on a child’s life. Sometimes even the feeling of unease can make a big difference.

When big changes happen or there is a tension in the home due to adult situations, it is important to communicate with children to help them understand. For example, in the case of a pet dying, holding a sort of ‘funeral’ for the pet – which may feel silly – can actually be a great way to offer your child the closure that they need.

Create a Comfort Zone

Does your child have a space that they can escape to and feel safe? Whether this is a bedroom, den or even just a climbing frame in the garden. Having a space that they can call their own is important in order to give them the room to deal with their problems and have an ‘escape’ if they feel they need it.

This is actually a technique used by many people who foster. As one fostering Manchester agency stated, “A space to call their own, where they can feel safe and escape to in times of extreme stress or when they are feeling overwhelmed. It’s why we insist each foster child has a room of their own when staying with a carer.”

Talk It Out

If you feel you are giving a child ample time and space to work out their feelings, but it isn’t getting any better then you may simply have to talk to them. In a way, this can be the most difficult thing to do. As by confronting the issue of unhappiness you may discover some truths which you would rather not. But it is important to do so unless you want the problem to fester and resentment to grow as a result.

Sometimes, resolving the feeling of unhappiness in your child is not something that has a magical answer or solution. It takes time, patience, and often your child’s own motivation in order to resolve the issues for themselves.

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