ET calling “Home” – Am I a second wave volunteer?

It is this feeling I always had, ever since I was a little girl. While I walked holding my mother’s hand, I knew I was different. I guess my mother knew it too. I am sure she wondered about her elder child – good different or bad different?

I have always been plagued by this strange feeling of being different from the people around myself. I distinctly remember my Eleventh grade PTA where my teacher asked my mom whether she felt that I am different from other kids of my age? She felt I am way matured than other girls in my class and that I behaved very differently from them. She almost felt at times that I am a 30 year old, not a 16 year old teenager with raging hormones. My mother just muttered that every one has a different personality and I was just like that ever since I was a little girl. Guess she always knew too.

I remember one of the Partners at my job requesting the Resources manager specifically for me on his team even though I did not have any training on kickback projects. He gave the reason that I have such a positive vibe that my mere presence in a room boosts team morale and radiates a positive environment. But I had my own suspicions. Who believes this load of positive vibes thing? I knew for sure he had ulterior motives in the guise of team morale boosting mumbo jumbo. But surprisingly, I was relieved to realize that he in fact did not have any hidden agenda!

I have a good life. A decent one at least. Had a good job, made money, am raising a beautiful young lady and have an ordinary but decent life. Yet, there is this huge humongous “BUT” lingering behind my eyes and ears all the time. I cannot say that I am not happy. I am, at times. But mostly there is this strange feeling of loneliness in a crowd, of utter helplessness even when there is nothing that I need help with at that moment. There is this feeling of being lost, a general feeling of something missing. Something I cannot, for the love of God, point my finger at or understand.

This feeling has been growing tremendously off late. Can you have post natal depression after 4 years of child birth? I seriously doubt! This huge feeling of a big piece of my heart missing or rather the realization that in fact, it has always been missing but I did not know it until now. People never understood me completely in my 33 years of life. I have often been misunderstood and been called deluded, but this has been a rather recurring phenomenon of late. I have been feeling like I am this distinct being trapped here. Makes you question your own sanity right?

That is exactly what I have been doing, wondering if I am finally losing it. I went back to meditating which I had stopped long back during my time in the corporate sector. And while watching the trailer of an upcoming thriller on Youtube, I came across this video on some spiritual concept of soul mates and Karma. That one click on that video opened a new wave of information, of knowledge so varied and disjointed but yet connected somehow that I am still overwhelmed by the sheer amount of resources out there and their creditworthiness.

Today morning I woke up feeling tired and decided to meditate right at 10 am. I gave some chosen toys to my girl and asked her to not wake up Mommy for the next 1 hour. I then put some soothing music and went into this beautiful state of mind. I remember being on this hill top as the sun shone majestically, bathing me in its light and brightness. I came across a big mound of clay and dust and felt this strong urge to go check what is underneath the pile of dust. I started using my fingers to dig into the clay and debris of dust and started clawing my way into it. I could almost feel dust getting accumulated under my nails and my fingers hurting from all the digging. As the layers of dust started falling off the mound, I could almost see something hidden, something taller than me and standing erect. As more dust kept falling off, my fingers touched something which felt like skin, but hard and old, yet warm.

My hands were aching tremendously by then as I realized I have dug out a human form under the debris of soil and clay and dust. It was a male form, standing with his head bowed down and hands on his side. His broad shoulders blocked the sun from my face as he stood there, not losing balance as the last grains of dust fell off him on the ground. He looked so familiar, yet unknown. I knew that I know him in this 3D world, but I could not be sure who it was. As I touched his fingers lightly, they moved and clasped mine. As I looked up, he was wide awake with his piercing eyes staring down at me. Just As his fingers twined into mine, I heard the words “Volunteer soul”. It was more like I felt those words, I did not hear a voice per se.

I could not concentrate for much longer once I heard those words. The moment I woke up, I realized I had threads of tears on both sides of my face and my fingers were still tingling from the experience. I saw two of my nails were chipped. Was it from all the digging? As I went online and typed the two words I had heard few minutes back, the first search result was Dolores Cannon’s book on the three waves of volunteers and the new earth. I watched couple of videos on Youtube about this concept which was so new to me and within a few minutes realized that may be now, finally, it all is starting to make sense!!!

Cannon explained in her book that most of the extra terrestrial sightings started soon after the first atomic bombings in early 40s. This is because humanity now has developed something which has the potential to destroy themselves. Now, going by the universal law of free will, no one could interfere in this matter from outside the fence. However, they could infiltrate the human race from within and try to bring about a change in the energy fields so as to stop them from going into the self destruction mode.

And so, here came a bunch of volunteers who agreed to come to earth to help and bring about change. They came in 3 waves, the first being the ones born between 40s and 60s, the second being the ones born in the 70s – 80s and the third ones born from 90s onwards.

This new information immediately hit home! I am not a firm believer in these materials, but this information about which I had no clue just this morning suddenly made so much sense. Now I understood why I am at my happiest when I am all alone, why many of my friends and colleagues used to call out my positive vibes and good energy, even though I did not understand or comprehend it in those days, why I am so lost in my life’s purpose even though I have knowledge and degrees to take on particular jobs, and why the most favorite perk of my job was “working remotely”! I loved being alone and doing my work in the background. And most importantly, why I feel so lonely and lost even with a beautiful family and child and why do I have this nagging feeling of “I want to go home”. 

I know how I am going to utilize my daughter’s summer break. Reading up on this topic and trying to understand whatever I can in my minuscule capacity. I also read somewhere that people like me are not alone. There are millions of people in this world who feel the same and who are as lost as I am. So, at least I am not the only one spilling my mental beans everywhere and sweet dear God, that’s a relief!

Spiritual awakening or acute psychosis? I do not know.

Meaningful revelation or mere coincidence? I do not know either.

Messages from the universe or figments of my imagination? No freaking clue.

But as I embark on this new journey of wisdom, I believe I can at least try to fathom the deep complexities and workings of my own mind. And in this process, may be help a few other souls who are in a similar boat like mine. The metamorphosis is a painful process, but the resultant outcome is almost always beautiful and brilliant.

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