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Five Signs A Guy Is About to Be Ghosted–and What To Do About It

1 Heart it! Cal Orey 15
October 11, 2018
Cal Orey
1 Heart it! 15

By Cal Orey

Jon was stunned. “After six months of great romance, I figured Debbie had commitment on her mind,” he recalls. “Instead, I got the big kiss-off.” And it happened suddenly. He was blocked on all social media and phone calls were not answered. Yep, Jon’s girlfriend ghosted him.

Shocked as Jon was, chances are he could have seen it coming. If we learn to spot the signals that she’s itching to leave, and shut the door without giving a reason why, it’s time to take action. We might prevent an abrupt and cruel or cowardly type of breakup and build a more solid relationship with good communication. Keep an eye out for these clues.

She starts looking like a slob.  Is there a dramatic deterioration of her grooming? “The first sign your woman is going to dump a man is that she stops wearing good lingerie and quits shaving her legs,” says E. Jean Carroll, advice columnist. “This often means she doesn’t feel sexy and doesn’t care if she pleases him.”

A guy can . . . find small ways to please her. Revitalize her sensual side and make her feel more desirable. Be free with compliments. Buy her a fun, meaningful gift. It doesn’t have to be expensive, either. Carroll recommends a gift certificate for a spa treatment.

Her lovemaking fizzles. When a woman takes off her clothes, she removes her protective armor. When the armor returns, take note. Be aware if passionate and uninhibited lovemaking suddenly becomes more rigid.  “Making excuses or constantly saying ‘I’ve got a headache’ is a signal that she doesn’t feel safe feeling out of control.

A guy can . . .ask himself whether he has betrayed her trust. If he has, apologize and try to restore her faith in the relationship. Make intimate plans, even if the trust level is shaky. Like sailing? Well, captain, sail. Fun, shared experiences breed intimacy and can shine up a lackluster love life.

She’s always angry. When even a man’s breathing sends her into fits, his days are numbered. “If her temper, attention span and conversations suddenly become abrupt, she may be trying to sabotage the relationship,” Carroll says.

A guy can . . . let her vent. Go ahead, it’ll clear the air. It may be she’s made at someone or something else–or she might just be angry with him. Try to resolve the issues together. If she continues to act like a snapping turtle, make a move. “Leave her alone and go date someone else,” Carroll advises.

She’s unavailable. She starts giving one-word answers, and usually the word isn’t “yes.” The cuddling and eye contact are gone, too. Maybe she insists on doing things by herself, spending weekends separately and so on. “This is a giveaway that she’s checked out emotionally or even physically,” She’s purposely creating distance.

A guy can. . . Attempt to have the talk but chance are avoidance will happen. Stay strong. Think of her as a fickle cat. Back off. Be indifferent and treat her like a fickle cat. Back off! Translation: Act chill and it may blow over, be a phase. Or not. Get a Plan B in order.

5. Suddenly she’s a critic. She used to love his closet full of Gap garb, right? She raved about his lime-zested shrimp risotto. Now she is a critic with a capital C. A dude can’t even part his hair right in her eyes. Everything he does is wrong.  Or worse, she gripes about his culinary skills and rates his wardrobe below the fry dude’s.

A guy can . . .talk about his feelings without accusing her of anything–she could just be swamped at work. He can dish about how much he misses her companionship. Or, he can let her know how much she means to him and how much he values the relationship.

As a last resort, Carroll says, “Encourage her to go and do what she has to do.” “She doesn’t care what you think anymore, so she’s letting her real feelings show,” Carroll says. Since she’s probably already planning an exit, what does she have to lose?

A guy can . . .keep his pride. He can decide whether he wants her to stay or leave. But he shouldn’t drag out the heartbreak unnecessarily.

The bottom line:  It’s time to be mindful to the relationship. If a man senses he is being ghosted he may be able to stop the love boat from tanking into the dark ocean. But note, if a woman is ready to dump a man, concludes Carroll, he is best off letting her go.  Being ghosted isn’t worth the heartache. Move on and don’t look back.

Cal Orey is a veteran author-journalist. She has had her heart broken and has been a friend to guys who have been dumped. As a dumper (on occasion) she has lended an ear and was there giving unconditional love until they moved on. www.calorey.com

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1 Heart it! Cal Orey 15
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