GROVELING AND BEGGING

You will inhale my perfume more when I am not lying closely in your arms

Your shirt will convey hints of my scent, gradually at first and then it will asphyxiate you until you are uncertain if I actually have left or not

You will perceive me gently whispering “I love you” whilst treading barefoot on a soft sandy shoreline of a deserted beach,

Your shoulders will be sadly hunched over,

and you will glance up to see if I am there to echo those three words back,

but instead you will be destroyed by the lonely spaces of air surrounding you

You will hear my voice every time you reach out for the telephone

And you will almost dial my digits,

scrutinizing the small holes on the receiver,

tracing circles on the numbers,

hoping to listen to my hello which always left you ecstatic and shy all at once

You will be mesmerized by every henna red haired beauty roaming this earth,

You will be captivated and eager to twist unruly silky locks of crimson curls around your slender fingers

A trip down memory lane—

Yanking at my tresses, all uncouth and brutish, and forcefully kissing me

Hungrily at first!

Where did I go?

You suddenly cannot live without me

You will arise every day at 3 am

Searching for me and entangle yourself in the cotton sheets of your bed

instead of the warmth of my  bare embrace

Or perhaps you will seek solace in another and cuddle her from behind

And acknowledge with some mental sickness that she can never be me

You will need me.
You will actually love me and you will fixate yourself over me and

you will torment yourself for your cruelty when you had all of me
When you know you have lost me, you will agonize over your loss even more

You yearn for me only now when I am no longer yours.

Addicted and out of control,

enduring physical and mental symptoms after ending your

daily intake of a drug called me,

you suffer paranoia, anxiety, insomnia, depression and agitation

I let you get intoxicated with me

I let you get stoned to the point of no return

I let you get drunk in a euphoric state

I let you devour me

I fed your habit by taking residence in the oxygen molecules of your blood

I made you unsteady and light headed,

But also courageous, passionate and soulful

I let you completely satiate your craving of me

You overdosed on me

You crashed because of a narcotic known as me

And now,I am no longer your fix

You are sad and uneasy

During your emotional breakdown, I have already walked away

Because when you finally grasped that I was a genuine keeper

The ship had already sailed away.

It is too late

You are free of me.

I have cut you off with the scissors you handed me

The breeze dances softly by your window-pane enchanting you,

like I used to

And you look out at the horizon.

The rustling of the fallen leaves reminds you of me

The way the crunching of my footsteps would entrance you

And you knead your palms, dying for my tender touch.

And then your soul cries out for me

You begin to ache for me

You are ashamed

You are culpable

You are remorseful

How can it be?

You use reason to reach conclusions to the theories of everything

You compare data and draw inferences

You package each memory in little cartons and send them off to storage

To be forgotten till you inhale your last breath,

But sometimes, the recollections are too resonant and haunting to be boxed away

The past cannot be restrained forever

It resurfaces

And swiftly, once again

The hunger, the thirst, the starvation re-emerges

The famished monster that you are roars, insists and pleads

For it’s wants and privations

what that beast needs is me

and when that leviathan comprehends I am gone

when it realizes I have departed

It becomes grief-stricken and broken hearted.

It is gutted and devastated—

A roller-coaster of a million wretched sentiments

It feels a treachery of its minds eye and its conscience

It goes off the deep end

It becomes enraged

It is within these dire changes in circumstances

Where the animal within you cannot be tamed at all

Where you conquer what you want without asking

Where you have no option but to concede how much you need

to utterly consume me and love me thoroughly

It is then, that you will ruefully come back groveling and begging….

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