Having Loved Lucifer

https://imgur.com/a/Di7prwD

{A poem, inspired by visiting La Fontaine Saint Michel in Paris with my 10 year old son. Upon studying the fountain for what seemed like a long while, he touched my arm and confessed, “I love Lucifer.”}

Crushed under Michael’s foot, writhing in angry desperation,

there you were when you saw me.

Why is the Light victorious? You also possessed the Light. No, you mastered it!

Were you not the most luminous angel, the heralded morning star? Why, then, was your choice denied?

How are you fallen, not favored? All that was yours they have taken. Victory, Glory, and Freedom were stolen.

 

And now, you sit, alone.

 

Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness,

Faithfulness, Gentleness, and Self-Control have departed.

Scour the Earth as you will, you’ll not find these now.

What fruit have you born? Must we eat it?

 

I saw you shed one tear.

Only you know the times you’ve cried.

Oceans of tears bear your name, yet He can’t hear you.

He is deaf to your laments, so you found Listeners.

 

All curious souls, come hither. Won’t you stay awhile?

You sense what we lack, then you hook us.

You touch where we’re bruised, then you smile.

May I gaze upon your pain, sweet child?

How happy I am you’ve found me. How perfect you are!  

I shall keep you.

 

Every bit of flattery,

every wisp of charm drew me in, closer to your heart of darkness.

What is it you seek? What can I give you?

I showed you, and the hook went deeper.

Can you see who I am? Do you know what this is?

You were honest. Your despair was your crown, your disdain your mantle, detestation your shield, desolation all around you, and inside you, decay. How can this be?

I did this. You may go, now.

 

Sometimes the Listeners stay.

 

Redemption never comes for the Fallen. Did I fall?

No. You have what I cannot have. I no longer wish to see this: unrighteous and weak, yet victorious. How can you be like you are?

Why can’t you love? Why can’t you be free?

I hate what I am. I hate what I made of myself. I hate this unending existence.

 

I looked for more light.

I descended dark tunnels into the depths,

to swim the murky rivers.

All I could see was your pain.

Never once did I condemn you. It had already been done.

I searched for signs of deliverance, finding none.

You saw me and knew I was lost.

You never wanted to damn us.

 

And then, a light emerged. You led me out. You unhooked me.

 

The light was yours. Now, go.

 

I think of you now,

And I’m thankful I listened.

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