Forgiveness is not easy. Having felt let down, insulted, defeated and disspointed, and then having to forgive them, and absolve them of the liability, is sometimes beyond what we are capable of. Yet we somehow we manage to do it. We learn the art by practicing peace, self-forgiveness and positivity.
But what does it mean when you are holding onto the memories and feelings attached to the nice deeds someone did? That unsettling feeling of reminiscence. The high that someone cares and would go to any length for you.
Why did you have to do that? Why did you do those nice things? I hold those memories so dear. That joy of feeling your love. But now its just a memory. How do I forgive you for leaving me with a memory that I, now, cannot cherish. A memory that I try to escape from. A memory I dare not revisit. A memory that brings tears to my eyes.
Not that I want to relive it. But, at least, I should be able to think of the best of my life’s moments without a sense of loss.
How do I forgive you for all the nice things you did?
Maybe our parting was inevitable. Maybe we’re better off without each other. Maybe what happens is indeed for the best. So I’m not asking to have you back. I’ve even forgiven you for all the things that we destroyed. All the things that went wrong. I know we only want the best for each other. But, I don’t want to cry when I think back about that romantic night under the full moon, when you were holding me close, and I could feel your lips on my neck.
I want to be able to forgive you for coming to see me, to just wipe my nervous tears at 3 am. I want to be able to forgive you for calling me up, when I was travelling, just to sing me a song. I want to be able to forgive you for coming into my life and making it more colourful.
Make no mistake, I will carry these colours with me, and I am most happy to have found them. I’ll paint my new picture, and it will be ‘Oh, so beautiful!’ But help me make peace with that moment these colours entered my life.
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