I’m 26 And Here Are The Things I’ve Learned About Dating.

Like most millennials nowadays, I couldn’t really imagine life without the internet or social media. They’re part of my daily routine and to be honest, I spend more time on the internet more than anything else. I think it’s normal, given that we’re living in the digital world. I have this thinking that to be connected to other people, I always need to be “Active Now” or reachable through social sharing platforms.
I have recently gone through what millennials age 25 or so experience: the most dreaded quarter-life crisis. I’ve asked myself over and over whether it is time to settle down and ditch the temporary relationships I have. Because of social media, I end up comparing my life with my friends who seem to be far ahead in many aspects of life. Most of them are getting married, having kids or traveling the world and here I am, still trying to find someone even worthy to date or share my weekends with.
I decided to download some dating apps to fight my frustration. If I can’t find someone who’s as serious as I am in finding a steady relationship, then I might as well enjoy the thrill that meeting someone new brings, right? Soon, I started dedicating more and more time looking for the ‘perfect match’ in one of the most famous dating apps to date, Tinder.
The rise of dating apps and hookup websites is a proof that there’s an increasing demand for platforms that can connect strangers who are looking for love and pleasure. And while there are many reasons why people join these sites, I cannot deny the fact that I’m in it mostly because I’m trying to look for someone who could possibly spice up my boring life.
As someone who has no desire to invest time and emotion in a relationship that probably won’t work, I resort to finding ‘good guys’ on dating apps whenever I feel lonely. Don’t get me wrong, I do have friends. But, it feels different meeting someone new and knowing that I don’t need to be stuck with that person if he is no longer interesting for me or if we run out of things to discuss.

I’ve downloaded almost 20 dating apps to date and here are the things that I’ve learned about the people in those platforms:
Not everyone wants to have sex (it’s true!)
I’m really lucky to have met a few nice and intelligent guys on Tinder who I ended up being friends with because we found out that we share the same interests and hobbies. These nice guys became my go-to guys when I have questions about men in general or if I simply want to chill and talk to someone.

I find these guys more genuine and easier to please. Because we know that the ‘relationship’ we have is temporary and will only last until the benefits we get out of it run out, we usually focus on the bright side of things. It’s always fun and refreshing to be with them because at the end of the day, there’s no pressure to put a label on the relationship and we are free to entertain other people.

And yes, it’s not always about sex. It’s more on companionship and having someone to talk to without the fear of being judged, questioned or rejected. It’s knowing that someone will listen even if they don’t really need to or even if they will not get anything from me if they do.
Almost everyone knows how to protect themselves.
For almost four years of joining different dating sites, I found out that most people on those platforms are willing to get tested for STDs and STIs. Surprise! Surprise! Yes, I know how awkward it is to ask about someone’s sexual health but if I feel that the meetup could lead to sex, I make it a point to ask the person if he is willing to get tested.

Although I try not to get intimate with someone on our first date, I see to it that I bring condoms just in case my date fails to get one on his way to our meeting place. I know, I know, it’s hard to believe that millennials are practicing safe sex. But believe me, I’ve dated so many guys and only a few stopped responding to me when I talked to them about STD tests. Almost 80% of them brought condoms on our first date too.

As a woman, I don’t feel afraid to tell the men I’m dating what I want and what I don’t. If they don’t respect my preferences, it’s easy to walk away and find someone else. I appreciate men who don’t think that wearing condoms is a joke or getting tested for STD is an insult.
People are not who they pretend to be
Okay, this one is a no-brainer. Millennials don’t really need to be warned about fake profiles or posers because, in this day and age, there are hundreds of ways to identify if the person is not someone he is pretending to be.

I included this point because I find that a lot of men can conceal who they truly are, or what they’re really like easily. I’ve met guys who were initially nice and attentive but started to get rude when I refused to meet them or give them what they want. There are men who will constantly call even during the wee hours of the night, expecting me to have sex with them on phone. There are also those who don’t respect the boundaries I’ve set, even if we both agreed that we’re not after a serious or steady relationship when we started to communicate with each other.

My point is, it’s easy to pretend to be nice and respectful. So your only way of knowing what the person is like is meeting him more than once. It is also a must that you know how to protect yourself, because no one will ever know what the person you’re meeting with is capable of.

I have a friend who I always update if ever I’ll meet someone. I send her screenshots of the profiles of the guys I’ll be dating just so someone will know who I was with, in case something bad happens to me. I know this lifestyle is risky, but it’s also the same reason why I continuously try to find someone new and gamble.
Some will try to scam you, so beware
We’ve all heard about dating and romance scams but I must admit, I didn’t think that I’ll be meeting people who shamelessly steal from men and women desperate to find love. Not the type that asks for money right away, but those that are willing to invest time to gain my trust. They can surely play with people’s emotions and establish a persona that is likable and at the same time, pitiful.

I encountered a few people who asked about my address, my birthday or my favorite pet’s name—all of which are potential answers to security questions I’ve set up for my social media accounts. While those questions may seem harmless, it pays to be wise and to think twice before disclosing sensitive information.
Dating platforms are full of unfaithful people
I don’t know about you, but I have encountered at least a dozen men who pretend to be single when in fact, they’re in a steady relationship or worse, married! I took up Journalism and  I swear, I have innate detective skills.

I’m just not comfortable dating guys who are married or are seeing someone constantly. I don’t want to be labeled as a homewrecker or a boyfriend snatcher so I try to avoid conflicts as much as possible. Thus, the research.

It takes only an hour or so to find out whether the person is actually single or not. I Google his photos and check the social media accounts that pop up on search results and voila! I can now see what he shares on his social media accounts. I’ll look at his relationship status or the photos he share to find out whether he’s really unmarried or doesn’t have a girlfriend. To be honest, I sometimes feel the itch to message women whose husbands are actively seeking for hookup dates, it’s just disgusting.
Happy ever afters exist
I’ve learned that through dating apps, you can actually meet someone who will take you seriously and marry you. It hasn’t happened to me (and I don’t think it will, ever) but two of my close friends met their wives through Tinder. The funny thing is, their wives asked them to invent a story about how they met because they’re ashamed to tell everyone that they met through Tinder.

I can actually list more valuable lessons I’ve learned through these dating and hookup platforms. I will not advise against joining those sites or using the apps, but it’s always a must to be careful and not to let our guards down.

As millennials who are constantly chasing after temporary relationships, it is wise to be picky and not to take every opportunity presented to us. I know how exciting it is to meet someone for the first time, but it’s always necessary to take one step back before deciding to go all in. Better safe than sorry, right?

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