In The Company of Saints: anti-haiku by the late Bud Moore

IN THE COMPANY OF SAINTS

       The anti-haiku of Bud Moore

by Gabriel Rosenstock

Bud Moore was a defrocked priest living in Sweetwater, Florida, where he worked (incognito) with down and outs before his death. Irish on his grandfather’s side and Chippewa on his mother’s side, Bud enjoyed experimenting with all types of verse forms, the sonnet, the monoku and the anti-poem. The name Bud Moore was a haigo or haiku pen-name.

A keen student of cultural cannibalism as promoted by Oswald de Andrade (1890-1954), Bud spent some time in Brazil to get closer to the roots of this movement. While in Brazil, Bud attempted to cannibalize and digest various religions and movements, Catholicism (Liberation Theology), Hinduism, Voodoo, Buddhism and so on –and his ecstatic sermons resulted in his defrocking.

His late mother spoke Ojibwe but, unfortunately, never imparted a word of it to Bud or any of his six brothers. Bud, however, began to study that beautiful tongue in his declining years; indeed, he said he found great solace in the language after his’ shocking defrocking’, as he puts it, in 2016: Gaa wiin daa-aangoshkigaazo ahaw enaabiyaan gaa-inaabid. –You cannot destroy one who has dreamed a dream like mine!

Bud learned songs of resistance both in Irish and English from his grandfather and on frequent visits to prisons he sang these unaccompanied songs: many inmates were moved to tears whilst others hurled shoes and various miscellaneous objects at him. ‘I’m always surprised by the reaction,’ Bud used to say.

In the Company of Saints was his first and only collection of free-style haiku. He never completed it. How I got my hands on it is another story, but Bud entrusted me with it and asked me to see if it could be published.

O, Adrian

patron saint of Soldiers (and Flemish Brewers)

let’s get rid of soldiers  . . . and keep the beer flowing

 

 

Alban

patron of Refugees . . .

asleep on the job again, eh?

 

Alexis

patron of Beggars . . .

come on, Al,  I beg of you!

 

 

Andrew

patron of Scotland

ahem! Andy? OK, when did you last visit?

 

 

Anthony

patron of Lost Articles

I think I’m beginning to lose it, Tony

 

Appollonia

patron of Dentists

root canal operations? – bloody scam!

 

 

 

 

Augustine

patron of Theologians –

God exists, Gus, right? no, seriously . . .

 

Barbara

patron of Ammunition Workers

ah, ammo! Does it matter what side we’re on, Babs?

 

Barnabas

patron of Cyprus

what do you think of the Turks then, Barney?

 

 

Bartholomew

patron of Plasterers –

I’m going to get well and truly plastered tonight, Bart

 

Benedict

patron of Poisoning

Ben, we’re being poisoned by aluminium foil

 

Bernadine

patron of Advertising

heard any good jingles lately?

 

Bernadino

patron of Uncontrolled Gambling

you’re not bluffing again, I hope . . .

 

 

Bernard

patron of the Alps . . .

hey, Berney, was it you who stole my Toblerone, eh?

 

Blaise

patron of Wild Animals

I too am beastly

 

Bonaventura

patron of Bowel Disorders

hey, how many bowel disorders are there?

 

 

Boniface

patron of Brewers

you and me and Adrian (above), let’s all go out on the town tonight

 

Brendan

patron of Navigators

did you get here before Columbus?

 

Bridget

patron of Fallen Women

did they fall or were they pushed, Bridgie?

 

 

Camillus

patron of the Sick

ever get thoroughly sick of them?

 

Catherine of Sienna

patron of Jurors

guilty, my Lord

 

 

 

 

Catherine not of Sienna

patron of Spinsters

ever hear of speed dating, darling?

 

 

Cecelia

patron of Poets

nothing rhymes these days

 

Charles Borromeo

patron of Clergy

yeah, where were you, Charlie, when the Vatican defrocked me!

 

Christina

patron of Psychiatrists

is it true that the Irish can’t be psychoanalysed?

 

Christopher

patron of Travellers

that includes itinerants, right?

 

 

Claire of Assisi

patron of Television

switch it off, Claire, now

 

Clement

patron of Tanners

holy cow!

 

 

 

 

David

patron of Wales
       fel rhech mewn pot jam
 

Dennis

patron of Headaches

(same as above)

 

Dominic Savio

patron of Choirs

‘on a tree by a willow a little tom tit . . .’

 

Dorothy

patron of Florists

forget me not!

 

Dunstan

patron of Locksmiths

got the key to the Kingdom, Dun?

 

 

Durga

patron of Trains

steam trains were safer

 

Dymphna

patron of Runaways

I’m not coming back!

 

Elizabeth

patron of Separated Spouses

(as above)

 

 

Elmo

patron of Sailors

any port in a storm, I guess

 

Eligius

patron of Taxidrivers

scenic route, this?

 

Eustace

patron of Hunters

the unspeakable in pursuit of the uneatable!*

 

(*Wilde on fox hunters)

 

Felicitas

patron of Widows

‘felicitas’ means happiness, right?

 

 

Florian

patron of Chimney Sweeps

chimchim cher-ee chim cher-oo

 

Francis de Sales

patron of the Deaf

(might as well be talking to the wall)

 

Francis of Assisi

patron of animals

how do you and Blaise (above) get along, Frank?

 

Francis Xavier

patron of the Orient

(a bit patronising, maybe?)

Gabriel

patron of Youth

(youth is wasted on the young*, isn’t it, Gabe,?)

 

(*George Bernard Shaw)

 

Ganesh

patron of Obstacle Removing

remove the government

 

 

Genesius

patron of Actors

let’s not mention the Scottish play

 

George

patron of England

slain any dragons recently?

 

Gerard

patron of the Falsely Accused

i.e. everyone, once in a while

 

 

Germaine

patron of Child Abuse

never ends

 

Gertrude

patron of West Indies

what do you think of Rasta, my dear?

 

 

 

 

Giles

patron of Lepers

what will you do when they’re all gone?

 

Gregory the Great

patron of Teachers

one and one is still two, right?

 

Helena

patron of Archaeologists

if you ask me, there’s no future in archaeology

 

Henry

patron of the Childless

they puke all over you, you know

 

Hippolytus

patron of Horses

who’s going to win the Kentucky Derby, Hippo?

 

Ives

patron of Judges

guilty as charged

 

 

James the Greater

patron of Arthritis

so hard to get unpolluted cod liver oil these days

 

Saint James the Less

patron of Hatmakers

mad as a frog

 

Januarius

patron of Volcanic Eruptions

have you met my wife?

 

Jerome

patron of Librarians

it’s all automated these days, Jer

 

Joan of Arc

patron of Virgins

why?

 

 

John Berchman

patron of Mass Servers

don’t you miss Latin?

 

John Bosco

patron of Editors

It’s all self-publishing these days, Johnny me boy

 

John Nepomuk

patron of Silence

enough said, mate

 

John the Baptist

patron of Tailors

I like the cut of your jib

 

John the Evangelist

patron of Booksellers

do you use Kindle, John?

 

 

John Vianney

patron of Pawnbrokers

Rod Steiger was good in the movie, wasn’t he?

 

Jude

patron of Lost Causes

must be part Chippewa, part Irish like myself

 

 

Julian Hospitaller

patron of Innkeepers

same again please

 

Lawrence

patron of Banks

Bernie Madoff – his second name was Lawrence!

 

Leonard

patron of Slaves

free anyone lately, Lenny?

 

Lucy

patron of Salespersons

Bud Moore’s Special Snake Oil: Cures Everything

 

 

Luke

patron of Physicians

(see above)

 

 

Martin

Patron of Alcoholics

one for the road, Marty?

 

Martin de Porres

patron of African Americans

have they even heard of you?

 

Mary Magdalene

patron of Frail & Penitent Women

such as the late Maggie Thatcher

 

Mathew

patron of Tax Collectors

they’d never have caught Al Capone without you

 

Maurice

patron of Cramp

do you deal with writer’s cramp as well?

 

 

Michael

patron of Germany

Donaudampfschiffahrtsgesellschaftskapitän

 

Monica

patron of Greece

maybe ask Mick (above) to lend a hand?

 

Nicholas

patron of Brides

whatcha say we watch Bride of Godzilla, Nick

 

 

Norbert

patron of Peasants

time for another revolt if you ask me

 

 

Patrick

patron of Ireland

an mbeidh Éire fós ag Cáit Ní Dhuibhir?*

 

*’will Ireland one day belong to the Irish people’?

(Echoing a song my grandfather used to sing on St. Patrick’s Day. We couldn’t shut him up.)

 

Paul

patron of Publishers

publish and be damned, Paul

 

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