Meditation Retreats – 4 Reasons Why!

I never thought there would come a day where I’d be writing an article and so passionately I might add, about a meditation retreat. Previously my thoughts on meditation were of the following; how can all that sitting around and thinking or not thinking actually improve one’s life!?

To me meditation was always for “those people” over there, you know the eccentric people whom don’t even appear to live in the real world (whatever the real world is) and besides I didn’t have time to sit on my arse and contemplate the meaning of life – who the hell does?  

 “You should sit in meditation for twenty minutes every day – unless you’re too busy; then you should sit for an hour.” – Zen Proverb

A Deeper understanding of ourselves 

2018 I set the intention to make it a year of self transformation.  Last Christmas I became deeply depressed and hopeless yet AGAIN however, in the new year I acknowledged this to be a reoccurring pattern that had no end. Of course there have been times during my life, snippets even, moments when I’d catch myself thinking “you know what Leigh, life ain’t all that bad”. In amongst the desperate and dark moments were feelings of what can only be described as FABULOUSNESS but the problem was, that during my darkest hours my thoughts suppressed the positive person within me and allowed my impulsive, irrational  and irresponsible reactions to life to unravel. These included creating bad habits and making unskillful decisions that always lead me into another layer of destruction. 

So with this intention of transformation in mind I booked myself onto my first meditation retreat in Devon and it felt right, particularly because it was called “Cultivating True Love and Compassion”. I felt like my heart craved a better understanding of cultivating compassion, not only for myself but towards my fellow residents on earth. 

One of the things that stood out the most during the meditation retreat was the opportunity that it opened up, allowing me to step outside of myself and actually see my life as it truly was. It created a space, albeit a painful one at times but it allowed me to take a step back from living, racing around and chasing my tail. A step back from keeping busy on my iPhone, overwhelming my senses with music, TV box sets, comfort eating, drinking and just generally busying myself. It got me to face up to who I really am at this moment in my life and how my life has unfolded so far. 

Yes it’s scary as I connected with a lot of overwhelming emotions BUT it was a layer of awakening that needed to happen. Awareness is power, why?, because once we have it, it’s then up to us what we do with it. We can make changes, let go of what is no longer serving us a purpose and cultivate more of what we do want. 

2. Self Compassion

This meditation retreat was facilitated by a lady whom was previously a Buddhist nun – Kaira Jewel Lingo and was focused on what’s called the Bramaviharas.

The brahmavihāras are a series of four Buddhist virtues and the meditation practices made to cultivate them. They are also known as the four immeasurables  The Brahma–viharas are: loving-kindness or benevolence.

One of the guided meditations was called “Metta” which is also called loving-kindness meditation. It’s the simple practice of directing well-wishes towards other people including ourselves.  

This practice gave me an opportunity to look at the relationship that I had with myself as well as with other people in my life.  

I was able to look at my internal dialogue, my actions and choices made so far and see whether or not they were in line with that of someone that has loving-kindness and compassion. During these moments I was able to better understand, that in order for me to become that kind and loving person towards friends/family and fellow human beings, I would need to first cultivate it for myself. How can I possibly extend loving kindness and compassion to others if I’ve never been able to extend that towards myself. 

In the guided meditations I would hear the voice of Kaira Jewel Lingo repeat the phrases “may I be free from pain and suffering, may I live with peace and wellbeing and may I be free” I repeated this internally like a mantra, setting the intention to feel those words and envelope myself in them. I could feel my heart bursting with emotions of sadness and sorrow but also of love and warmth. For me it showed me HOW to rebuild that relationship with myself and everyday since then I’ve gone onto the insight app and practiced 30 minutes of guided Metta meditation. Each and everyone of us owe it to ourselves to build upon that loving-kindness.

3. Forgivness

As I understood it, a part of the self compassion is acknowledging that we are all human beings and are currently on our own journeys. There are times in our lives when each one of us may behave unskilfully.  This may be for many reasons and due to a variety of factors but ultimately we are all beings of light.

During one of our talks a lot of people spoke up and quite strongly about the topic of forgiveness, asking where does the compassion and forgiveness come from when someone has hurt another so much that they don’t deserve an ounce of forgiveness. People piped up about politicians, terrorists and the list went on. 

I admit that it can be hard at times to get your head around this way of thinking. The way that I understood it, is that it’s a practice but also that we are to forgive ourselves too for being unable to forgive those people whom have hurt us. 

Kaira mentioned a quote that says “ hate is like hitting yourself with a stick and expecting the other person to feel it” which stayed with me. In the end it is only ourselves that suffer from holding onto the poisoned pill of hatred. 

I spent time contemplating compassion for others and forgiveness during the meditation walks and guided meditations. It was during those moments that I was able to look back at the people in my life that had caused me great pain and suffering. I was able to believe in my heart that none of those people wanted to cause suffering upon me. I was able to acknowledge their suffering too.  

We are all connected, even if it’s simply the notion that no one of us wants to suffer, we all want to be happy and at peace within ourselves. 

4. Suffering is part of the journey

As I mentioned earlier, the retreat was woven with Buddhist philosophy which believe that suffering is a given. Admittedly the Dalai Lama put it more eloquently but you catch my drift. 

I was actually brought up with Buddhist philosophy and I used to hate it when my mother would tell that suffering is a part of life.

In one of the last guided meditations this was where our focus was directed – acknowledging that suffering is a part of life. For the first time in my life it gave me great comfort hearing this. It allowed me to step outside of the raw emotion of my suffering and see it with a fresh set of eyes. Yes I have suffered, haven’t we all at some point during our lives but there’s great beauty in suffering, stay with me here. 

My whole life I’ve avoided suffering by keeping myself busy so that I don’t have to acknowledge it. I’ve created unhealthy habits to take me away from it and all these  efforts have caused further suffering and pain.  

I learnt through the meditation practice that by staying with my suffering, acknowledging it and facing it, that in actual fact I can learn from it. Suffering can be a teacher if we’re able to give it the space to allow it to be. Now I will leave you with one of my favourite Buddha quotes. 

Buddha was asked “What have you gained from meditation?” He replied, “Nothing! However, let me tell you what I’ve lost; Anger, Anxiety, Depression, Insecurity, Fear of old age and death” 

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