Moments.

You know that moment… that moment when you look at him… even with his eyes closed, you know that his eyes are as creamy brown as milk chocolate… that moment when he parts his lips ever so slightly as he tilts his head like a secret door opening ever so slightly, an unspoken invitation to meet him half way.  The moment before his lips connect with your’s and you catch the sweet sent of his breath seconds before you feel his soft lips touch your’s.  That sweet smell of his breath, like humid mid-summer air that you dream about in your sleep. The seconds after as you melt into his body, his arms wrap themselves blindly around your’s… his warmth is the safety and his arms are the unspoken promise to always be there and protect you.  That split second when you open your eyes, still wrapped in the blanket of him and you know.  It’s like an unseen spark, an energy that connects you.  You feel it in your hands, your toes and…  The words “I love you” begging to leave your lips because you know that he can see it in your eyes.  When he pushes your hair behind your ear and tilts your chin so he can look at you square in the face and see you for all that you are…. He knows.

The same as a beautiful bubble floats in the summer sky… it also pops in that same summer air when it gets to high, reality breaks the spell.

She realized that he could never be anything but a moment.  Those milky chocolate eyes will glaze over with thoughts of the life that is his. His arms will fall away and like a candle being blown out, those unspoken promises will wisp away like smoke in the night air. She knows that those three small words will never leave her lips because to say them out loud would lead to her heart breaking into a thousand pieces for which he won’t be there to help pick up.

She knows this all to be true because she has been here before.  He still haunts her dreams at night and her thoughts during the day.  He’s the one you thought would last forever and the one who set her soul on fire.  The one that she gave her heart, her soul, her body to, but who always went home to “her”.  She could never keep him long enough or could never drown in his eyes because the moment she started to sink, he would blink, and it would be gone.  Breath would invade her lungs and even though she willed it to stop, she couldn’t stop these moments from disappearing.

And he was a moment in time just like this.  A moment when she thought that moments could last forever or maybe it was just a prayer to last forever because in her heart she knew that this was rare…

So, she sits alone, reminiscing over these precious moments and wonder, in her solitude,  can this be real again?  Or do those scars from the past create a detour away from love like a washed-out road that can never be traveled again? Something so broken that can never be fixed or repaired, only learnt from and like a child who learns from touching a hot stove, a mistake never to be made again.

She takes a step back because the heat that she feels with him now, is what burned her before. She stops in her tracks because the small lies that he tells when he is with her, she feels them in the pit of her stomach like a fetus kicking from the inside out.  The birth of suspicion and doubt are held and are fed by her own thoughts and assumptions. The tears that fall from his face are as big as a summer storm and she can feel the thunder deep in her bones.  The words from conversations before swirl in her head like a tornado that rages and destroys all the good in its path. Still… she wonders… because the moment before feels like it could be the umbrella in the hail or the calmness in the eye of the storm… but that’s just it… it’s only a moment and then it’s gone.

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