Nasty Judgy Feelings, and How to Use them.

I like to think of myself as a people person. I love connecting over interesting or funny—or sometimes mundane—conversations. I love hearing people’s stories and dreams and quirks. But I also get annoyed by said people. Or ponder why they’re so flaky or show-offy or anti-social or uber-social. I’m often unable to suspend judgement for very long.

The thing is, we exist in a world populated by all sorts of personalities having all sorts of moods. Not to mention our own ups and downs—not always (or, if you’re like me, usually not) as controllable as we’d like.

So as January comes to a close, I’d like to share with you my less-than-timely resolution (there’s never really a wrong time for expansion, right?). Currently, I’ve limited myself to one goal: to write/express authentically to the great big Universe (and you), along with one simple intention: to observe—and accept—myself in all my judgy darkness.

I Love/Hate Everyone Because I Love/Hate Myself

There are definitely things I’d like to change about myself. But there are also things I’d like to change about you (the proverbial you). There are things I’d like to change about my lawmakers. My relatives. My friends. And my husband. Even my kids… This is not due to a lack of love or warmth, but rather, due to a “diagnosis” we all share—our inherently flawed humanness.

I used to proclaim quite often that I’m not judgmental, because I was honestly trying not to be. But the judgements would appear faster than I could banish them. I’d like to believe that true absence of judgement is possible for highly evolved beings. But not for me. At least, not yet.

I judge others. I judge myself. And this year, I’m not even promising to stop. I’m simply committing to doing something useful with all that judgement.

Here’s my guide—the questions I plan to ask myself as I judge—perhaps you’ll find it useful, or a jumping-off point:

What is really irking me about this person? Am I feeling so judgmental because there’s something similar I haven’t faced in myself?  I’m pretty sure that what bothers us most about others is often something we haven’t faced in ourselves—even if it’s just a sliver of thoughts that’s similar to the “egregious” ways of the other.

Am I being judgy because I’m actually jealous? If so, how can I bring a bit of that (whatever it is I’m judging ‘cause, on some level, I’m jeal-jeal) into my own life?

Am I right in my judgement? Is it time to let go or confront or take some sort of action? Because, lets be honest, sometimes our negative judgement can be right on—but instead of stewing in it, can we possibly use it to improve a situation?

If I can utilize my judgments (and I am freakin’ full of them) to build self-awareness and spark positive change, then I should be your guru.

I kid, of course.

But maybe, then, I can finally become my own guru. (I say finally, because my road has been a confusing one—filled with a sea of self-help books.)

Who knows if I’m actually right. Feel free to judge!

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